The Pangs of Bullying Bully Me In Dreams

For three days I was haunted in my dreams, the dreams appeared in pattern, always at dawn. I see that young girl again, at times a tiny primary school girl, then suddenly, she turns into an inferior high school girl.

Her classmates make fun of her, bully her, tease her because of her clothes, tease her because of her old, spoiled shoes that she keeps wearing even if her socks are already showing out, teased her until she could not bare her anger anymore and she turns violent.

She fought back, kicked that one bitch who leads the high school mean girls in shaming her, kicked that bitch hard in the face, and then jumped on her, brought her to the ground and punched, pounding her face until she lost her teeth.

I woke up. I still feel the anger, the hatred, and I see clearly how that girl returned her bullies evil. She used her fist, she beats them. Good for her!

You´d never think this grown up, self-made woman who has already reached a level of success still transforms into that little girl who´s being made fun of, a small girl who needs to defend herself from bullies, whenever she goes to sleep.

The Perils of Over Creative Mind

If there´s one thing that I´d want invented, it´s a mind recorder.  You know, like those things you see in sci-fi movies,where wires and tubes are attached to a head which allows the tranlations from the mind to be entered and recorded in the computer.

I know that there´s a new technology that enables paralyzed and unable-to-speak people to command things and make them move through their mind. But there´s nothing I´ve heard of, which records your thoughts and then translate them into texts.

I know that this invention can cause chaos and your privacy is easily ruined, but I´d like to look at the good side. I need this invention so all the creative thoughts that occupy me at night will come to terms.

I suffer from insomnia because of a very hyper mind. When I go to bed, I´m supposed to sleep, but I have a hard sleeping because my mind works all the time and keeps introducing me with great ideas. There were times when I want to get up and go to my laptop and write the things that just came to me, but then my body is too tired.

I write five blogs, in fact six. Three of them are professional websites while the other three are personal sites (each with different niche). Well, except this one, it´s too general it has no niche other than my personal rambles. But I still want to write three more sites. I have three more topics I´m very fond of and want to build and launch.

The big reality however, even if my mind is so creative it wants to work more, the body can´t just keep up. It gets tired quicker than my mind. And that´s the biggest problem with an over active mind.

10 Things I am Most Thankful Right Now

Last week, in my effort to seek divine help on the personal struggle that I was dealing, I learned that being more thankful on every blessing and good thing is one effective way to live happy.

Last week´s sabbath lesson challenged me to write the top ten things I am most thankful right now, to take a moment to thank God in prayer, and then observe the difference on my perspective afterwards. I did. I kept my note because I thought I would love to share it with you. So here are the things I´m very grateful.

1. A happy marriage - I´m a little less than two years married to my husband and for the entire time, I´m happy with him. He´s very loving, caring, thoughtful, fun and responsible. Although some personal differences at times come between us, we find ways to iron them. He loves me so much and that makes me love him even more.

2. Good health that I, my husband, my family and my friends have - good health is something I never miss thanking God whenever I speak to Him in prayer. Without it, one can never fully enjoy life. I´m always thankful to God that He keeps me, my husband, my mom and my dad, my siblings, my loved ones, my in-laws, and my friends healthy and safe.

3. A job I love -  after years of praying for a job that would truly make me happy, God granted it. I can´t be happier.

4. My happy parents - my parents raised six kids on their own and even if they were heavily burdened with all the education bills, they hanged on. Now four of us are already professionals and the younger two who are still in the university are doing well. My parents are very happy and their happiness influence us.

5. My successful siblings - being an eldest of six, I took the responsibility towards my siblings seriously. I studied hard and finished my degree early with the help of a scholarship. I went abroad at an early age, strived to earn big and helped my parents finance my siblings´ undergraduate education. In return, my siblings worked hard, looked up to me and carved their own success.

As of now, my sister after me is a successful business woman. A brother graduated from nursing last year, immediately earned his license, got a good job and now prepares/trains for his plan to go abroad. Another brother is a teacher who enjoys working in the Philippines and whom, despite my persuasions, says he´s happy working for his country although he too considers trying his luck abroad.

The fifth sibling and the youngest of three brothers is currently in his third year taking mechanical engineering. He also earned certificates for his electrical trainings. Simultaneous to his studies in mechanical, he does apprenticeship in electrical field. My youngest sister on the other hand, the youngest of the six, is a freshman in computer engineering. I´m very happy and proud of them.

6. A visit to Paris - it was a long-time dream of mine to visit Paris. Last month, with God´s grace and with the help of my husband, we spent our summer vacation in Paris. God is so good.

7. My husband´s great job - I´m always thankful to God for giving my husband a job that he loves and that´s stable. He´s the main breadwinner and what I do is simply to support his income. Because he´s happy at work, his happiness also radiates when he´s at home.

8. A growing closet - because I´m a big fan of fashion, I thank God for giving me a big closet which continually grows.

9. Trustworthy friends - it´s not always that you find special and trustworthy friends. I found them and I´m very thankful for it. They´re scattered across the globe but we still keep in touch.

10. A great laptop and a fast internet connection - because what I do involves the internet, I´m thankful for the gift of a good laptop and internet connection. Through them, I am able to connect with the world and keep in touch with families and friends. They keep me from being lonely here in Europe.

So those are my top ten gifts, what about you? What are you most thankful of right now? Do this activity, write down on a piece of paper the ten things you´re thankful right now, then silently thank God through meditation. Have a great day!

photo credit: wehearit.com

Why I Need to Be More Thankful

Last Friday I was having an emotional struggle. My husband was aware that I was feeling unhappy and he comforted me blaming the change of the weather and some hormones as the cause of my sadness. But in fact, it was much more than that.

My husband´s effort to comfort me helped a ton but not completely. The struggle inside me was too much for me to beat in spite of my husband´s care and love. I knew there was one thing I had to do. I silently prayed.

Because I could not sleep, I went online to review the Bible lesson study we had for the past week. The next day, Saturday which is the sabbath, the lesson will be discussed among the members in the church. For some reasons, the words of wisdom in the lesson were targeted towards me.

Joy in life is a fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22; see also Phil. 4:4). Open your eyes. The gifts of God are all around us; we just forget to thank Him for them—often because we’re so focused on the trials and struggles of living. If we would cultivate an attitude of thankfulness to God more and more, our walk with Him would be much closer and our lives would be filled with joy. ~ SDA Lesson Study Sept 4

These words were really a turning point for me. Whoever causes my grief and whatever trials are there that cause my sadness, I should focus with the good things instead and be more thankful because in the process, I become joyful and happy. It made me feel so much better.

photo credit: wehearit.com

Dream Interpretation: Fresh, Green Leaves

I know when a dream´s worth interpreting because it sticks in my head all day. Just like one of the many dreams I dreamed last night. I saw these very fresh and green tiny leaves in my hands, they´re rounded in shape.

According to my dream, they were very special leaves. They couldn´t be found anywhere on Earth but under it. I saw myself digging the ground until I found little tunnels where the leaves have enough space to grow, I was actually wondering where they get oxygen.

The dream ended with me enjoying the sight of the very green leaves on both my palms, I was standing somewhere in the forest.

Being a dream interpretation addict as I am, I googled today what the leaves meant on my dream. I found out that healthy and fresh leaves denote happiness and wonderful improvement in your business. While withered leaves, indicate false hopes and gloomy forebodings will harass your spirit into a whirlpool of despondency and loss.

These findings fueled me with inspirations. Is something good awaits my thriving business? But on the other hand, another interpretation said that leaves can also denote achievements you had during the day. And I´m like, Oh, no! I had actually a very productive day before the dream, I´ve worked for my business even it´s a Sunday, I´ve cleaned the house and did almost all the ironing. But it can´t be the dream, is it?

How to Enjoy Doing Something You Hate to Do

photo credit: weheartit

It´s Sunday night, a quarter to midnight, and after a very long day, I´m able to sit at my working table to check my emails, facebook, twitter, and to quickly do this post. I´m spent but I feel very satisfied. My house is as clean as brand new and the piles of clothes for ironing worth two months are now saved wíth only a few pieces of long sleeves and a couple of bed sheets. I was quite worn out and I decided, it´s enough for today.

You see, when I do decide I´d do ironing, I don´t want to leave it unfinished. I want to do everything, three or four baskets of  (overflowing) clothes, for seven to eight hours of work, because I know that it´d take me months to again find the energy and interest to put my hands on it. I simply hate doing ironing.

But I´m a wife. My husband needs his working clothes ironed so he´d look presentable at work. I´m really lucky that my husband has a big closet to support him for two months until he´d completely run out. I know when I have to iron because it´d start feeling the stress on him on mornings when he´s dressing up. That means he´s starting to run out of clothes.

So how do I find the drive to actually keep up for long hours of ironing when I actually hate it? Well, first off, I need to have the mood. When I feel like I´m good to do the work, I make the most of that mood and sustain it by thinking about happy things. The television is also turned on and whether it´s a news report, a football game or an Xfactor singing competition that´s showing, I listen intently on the words spoken, it helps to improve my Deutsch. I feel good working while learning at the same time. Oh, how I love multi-tasking.

But once I do ironing, I can´t leave it  to prepare a meal, otherwise, I´d be lazy to go back. I have to take advantage of the mood. Then comes my husband´s help. He does the cooking and prepping for dinner. He knows I can´t be disturbed. That´s what I call teamwork. This must explain why my mood to do house chores always strikes on Sundays, when my husband is around to help me complete the chores.

The Horror of Having a Monster-in-Law

Whole day I´ve been so disturbed by the MMK story I saw over the internet last night. MMK is a filipino tv show which airs the true-to-life, usually heavy drama stories of filipino viewers. The story I saw last night was about a family which was broken because of a manipulative, arrogant, selfish, and money-seeker mother-in-law. The husband went to Saudi as an OFW and he made his mom live with his wife and three young children. Then started the calvary of the wife.

The son sent his salary to his mom and the mom controls the money and how it is spent. She also controls the daughter in-law in everything, literally. This story really pisses me off because the wife ended up so helpless. At one point she was beaten by her mom-in-law and when she fought back, the mom-in-law screamed for help and the neighbors came for her aid, driving the daughter-in-law from her own house and away from her kids. The monster-in-law then invented stories that the wife had an affair and is not a good mom, which the husband immediately believed.

As it turned out, the husband was all the time having an affair with another woman who then replaced the position of the first wife when the wife was driven away from home, raising the kids as her own. Whenever the mom wanted to see her kids, she simply wasn´t allowed to enter her own home. She tried to call her husband abroad but she couldn´t reach him. The mom-in-law then poisoned the mind of the kids turning them against their own mom.

The whole story was just so pissing me off that I can´t even continue telling you the story but here´s the point. Sons who couldn´t defend their wives against their manipulative moms, who are one-sided believing only what their mother says without clarifying to their wife, who makes decision alone with his mom excluding the wife, and who are all the time still mama´s boy, SHOULD MARRY THEIR MOM! They don´t need a wife, they just need a mom, so they might as well marry each other!

And for the wives who never learned to fight for their rights and who bow down to manipulative mother in laws, here´s what I´ve got to say. Nobody treat you bad unless you allow them to treat you bad.