How to Enjoy Doing Something You Hate to Do

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It´s Sunday night, a quarter to midnight, and after a very long day, I´m able to sit at my working table to check my emails, facebook, twitter, and to quickly do this post. I´m spent but I feel very satisfied. My house is as clean as brand new and the piles of clothes for ironing worth two months are now saved wíth only a few pieces of long sleeves and a couple of bed sheets. I was quite worn out and I decided, it´s enough for today.

You see, when I do decide I´d do ironing, I don´t want to leave it unfinished. I want to do everything, three or four baskets of  (overflowing) clothes, for seven to eight hours of work, because I know that it´d take me months to again find the energy and interest to put my hands on it. I simply hate doing ironing.

But I´m a wife. My husband needs his working clothes ironed so he´d look presentable at work. I´m really lucky that my husband has a big closet to support him for two months until he´d completely run out. I know when I have to iron because it´d start feeling the stress on him on mornings when he´s dressing up. That means he´s starting to run out of clothes.

So how do I find the drive to actually keep up for long hours of ironing when I actually hate it? Well, first off, I need to have the mood. When I feel like I´m good to do the work, I make the most of that mood and sustain it by thinking about happy things. The television is also turned on and whether it´s a news report, a football game or an Xfactor singing competition that´s showing, I listen intently on the words spoken, it helps to improve my Deutsch. I feel good working while learning at the same time. Oh, how I love multi-tasking.

But once I do ironing, I can´t leave it  to prepare a meal, otherwise, I´d be lazy to go back. I have to take advantage of the mood. Then comes my husband´s help. He does the cooking and prepping for dinner. He knows I can´t be disturbed. That´s what I call teamwork. This must explain why my mood to do house chores always strikes on Sundays, when my husband is around to help me complete the chores.

The Joy of Visiting Paris

We recently just got back from our five-day-trip to Paris and it was a very fulfilling and wonderful experience. Visiting most of France´s historical places, taking photos with the Eiffel tower and enjoying an evening cruise, are just a few of the good things about this trip.

Most importantly, I and my husband learned that spending some time to travel as a couple is good for our marriage. It gives thrills, adventures, as well as problem-solving and doing it together strengthens our bond.

We were really delighted with this trip and we plan to do it every year. In fact, we already have a long list of places to visit every summer and Christmas holidays.

Have You Ever Experienced Deja Vu?

Did you ever have deja vu? Last Saturday morning, around six, I dreamed of asking my husband if we could go early to church. He said he´s not feeling well. In my thoughts I reasoned that yeah, he did sound like having a flu during his sleep.

An hour later and I was fully awake, I lovingly woke him up. He was quite warm. I asked if he could come to church with me and he said he´s not feeling well. I´m like, okay, I think I dreamed about this.

He had fever and flu so I decided to also stay at home and take care of him. We both were unable to go to church. After giving him some medicine, breakfast and lunch, he seemed okay. I thought the sickness would quickly go away.

We chatted with his relatives from the Philippines via Skype and he way upbeat. In the late afternoon we both felt tired and we had a nap in our living room. Around the evening I got up whie he reamined asleep ´til eight o´clock. I gave him dinner when he woke up around past eight and after that, he went to his computer and did what he normally does, surf the net and play games.

At eleven at night he went to bed while I stayed in the living room, still blogging. I heard him coughing all the the time and thought that maybe he could not sleep and still watches TV. I was engrossed with my work until 2am and noticed that his coughing did not stop and it was actually getting worse. So I went to check him out and found that he´s not watching TV at all, he just couldn´t sleep because of the coughing and he´s already feeling tired.

I gave him medicine for coughing, I applied Vicks Vaporub on his chest and back, and massage him remembering what my mom told me, that when someone has a bad cough, the area under the collar bone and above the chest should be massaged. It will hurt but continue the massage until the pain subside. I did what I hoped would work but none did work. he was coughing, unable to breath properly because his nose was clogged and he was already weak. I gave him a steam to improve his breathing. It helped but the coughing was still there.

I felt tired myself and I fell to sleep. I think I was able to sleep for like an hour (despite my husband continually coughing in the background) when I heard him exclaimed, "ich kann nicht mehr!", I cannot anymore.

I woke up and asked if I should bring him to the hospital. He said I can´t drive and with his state, i won´t manage to drive. But I can also call for a taxi so it´s possible. But he refused.  All the time I did was pray. I felt pity for my husband. All I wanted for him is to get a sleep. In the morning I gave a steam once again and a massage. By noon of Sunday, he was able to sleep and I felt relieved.

By Sunday night his coughing subsided but a high fever replaced. Throughout the night I made him drink plenty of water, waking him up every now and then. I believe in water therapy to defeat a high fever quick. He was sweating all night and was peeing all the time. I kept changing his clothes.

On Monday morning his fever was down. That day our house doctor was back from a three-week-holiday so my husband drove to his clinic for a check up and medicines.

He was ordered to stay at home for a week and was given antibiotics and three different medicines. Throughout this ordeal i hated to have to stay away from him. I could not hug nor kiss him. And I missed him. he stayed in the bedroom while I stayed most of the time in the living room. This is so I could not get infected too.

By Tuesday afternoon he checked me out in the living and hugged me. He said he missed me and that he´s thankful for my care. This is the first time in our one year marriage that my husband fell ill. I learned that when someone is sick in marriage, it´s a very sad time but that one has to stay strong and help the partner who is sick.

And then it hit me, it´s been years, in fact a decade, that I never had deja vu. Not until now ...

My Marriage Made me Jobless

Okay, that sounds very negative but I chose that title because I think it grabs attention quicker. While my marriage technically made me jobless, it´s not because of some bad reasons. Here´s the story.

I was a high-school Maths teacher and a debate trainer for eight years. I had both the ups and downs in my career but I was doing well establishing myself, achieving self-actualization, and enjoying financial freedom ... until I got married.

I was working in Asia while my fiance (now husband) was living and working in Germany. Six months after we got married, I moved to live with him in his country. But it also meant moving away from my career.

In this city where we live, there are no international schools where I can apply. I inquired in the city government about the possibility of me getting a job here as a teacher but because of the different educational system of the country, my qualifications don´t apply. In short, I can´t work here as a teacher unless I get a job in an international school. I know there are a few in Berlin and probably one in Frankfurt, but we live 10 hrs from Berlin and an hour by train from Frankfurt. If I were to pursue a job, I would have to live apart from my husband.

This is something we don´t consider. I moved here so we can be together. Period.

But this reality didn´t sink in easy. Accepting the fact that in order for us to stick together I would have to sacrifice having a career was a little difficult. In fact, this issue caused sgnificant conflicts at the beginning of our marriage.

I will discuss more about my struggle to adjust as a jobless stay-at-home wife in my next posts ... so stay tune.

7 Things Wives Need from Their Husbands to Stay Happy

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Though not all women are the same, a wife usually wants her husband to be a good listener. She also wants regular reminders that she is loved and wanted, craves understanding, needs to feel appreciated, wants you to fulfill your share of responsibility with regards to your kids, needs you to take her out a date every now and then, and longs for occasional alone time.

When it comes to saving your marriage and keeping your relationship healthy, both you and your wife should do your part. Marriage is a give-and-take relationship and it is important that you are able to address her needs and her wants as much as you can to make her happy. Here are the things that a wife usually wants from her husband:

A good listener

Wives usually want their husbands to be good listeners. Aside from your wife’s friends, she needs someone to talk to about the things that go on in her life, at work or at home, with your kids, and her worries or concerns and achievements. Actively listen and pay attention so she knows you are with her every step of the way no matter what.

A reminder that she is loved and wanted

While you may feel like words are not enough to prove your love for your wife, saying sweet little things that remind her she is loved is what she wants. Say "I love you" when you mean it, not only when you are leaving for work, when going to bed, or after a phone conversation. Say it whenever you think it surprises her. Do not forget to admire her when she deserves it, especially when she looks great with her dress, when she looks nice with her new haircut, or just the way she is. Simple words of appreciation can make her really happy.

Understanding

Although understanding is more of a need than a want to get through relationships, women want to be understood more than you think. Women can get really difficult to deal with at times, and when that happens, all she wants from you is to understand why she acts the way she does. She wants you to forgive her for being complicated at times.

Appreciation

In as much as you do, your wife wants to be appreciated with the things she does. She wants to be complimented even with the little things she has accomplished, especially at home. Make her feel delighted for the great dinner she has cooked and for helping your kids get those good grades in school.

Fulfill your share of responsibility with regards to your kids

Kids need attention and discipline from both parents. If in case you are a little too lenient or a bit unconcerned when it comes to rearing your kids, she might want you to be a little bit more responsible. You are a couple, and she wants you to be her partner and discipline the kids when necessary and nurture them through play and quality time. Show her you are as concerned about the kids as she is and that you are doing something to fulfill your responsibility as a father.

A date every now and then

Now that you have a busier job and you have kids around, your time with your wife may not be the same as it was with much less distraction and responsibility. This is one thing she wants more from you now, more than ever. She wants to spend quality time with you. Perhaps a movie date or an occasional night out will make her happy.

Some alone time

It is not that she is tired of having you and your kids around. She just deserves a break from thinking about all the responsibilities at home so she does not get burdened and start feeling depressed . From time to time, she needs her own space and may want to spend it at the salon or spa, go shopping alone, or spend time with her friends.

There may be other things your wife may want from you, but before you can know what they are, talk to her about your relationship and ask if she is happy with her life. This way, you can both learn about each other’s needs and wants so you can both be happy and satisfied with your married life. After all, you both deserve a good life despite the storms that come and go.

The secret in making a relationship or marriage work

I am a strong believer of the notion that for a relationship to work, it takes great effort from both parties. The love and fire might be there, but if not nurtured, doesn't take a while to wither. Love and relationship are like a rose. You plant it, water it, cultivate it, and talk to it. It grows, it flowers, it spreads its beauty right before your eyes. But stop watering it, stop talking to it every morning when you wake up or after you arrive from work, its stems would slowly grow thin, the flowers would start to grow shy, not spreading its petals to its fullest anymore. Not long, its roots would dry. Even if its stems and flowers seem to survive, the roots are dried. Then it dies.

But sometimes you wonder why your plant dies. You water it every time, you make sure you tend to it as much you can. But why it isn't growing as healthy as you want. It remains thin, it never flowers and eventually it dies. Then you decide that maybe growing rose just isn't your forte. Maybe, some people are just blessed with rosy hands they're the only ones that can grow beautiful roses. But I agree not. It isn't about the hands, instead, it's all about the skills and techniques. Growing up with a mom who grows lots of beautiful roses of varied types and colors I learned, that roses are very sensitive. It requires care in watering and tending them. For example, in watering a rose, you should avoid applying water directly to its base. When the pressure of water moves its roots, the rose reacts to it extremely against especially if it's still young. The amount of water applied should also be considered. Is it newly planted? Is it too young still thriving to grow? and the like.

Tending a relationship or marriage is similar to tending a rose, only more complicated. As a soon to be wife, I am aware of this fact. But I am on a mission of making my relationship and soon to be marriage work. I read a lot of relationship tools and a lot of articles that unwrap the mystery of an opposite sex. I found that understanding how different a man and a woman and how their differences can actually create a stronger team instead of a chaotic double if dealt properly has lead to a happy relationship that I am enjoying right now.

The fear is still there, what happens if I wake up one morning to a mundane marital routine? But to armor myself, I am turning to books. Four books that would make me equipped to enter marriage are sleeping beside me at night. I devour them as much as I can. These books are the ones that I hunger to read and thanks to a dear friend, the blogger behind Nice Thoughts and Thrills, she has made my access to these books possible. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray, "Making Marriage Work" by Harold J. Sala, "A wife after God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George, "The Act of Marriage, The Beauty of Sexual Love" by Tim&Beverly LaHaye are ones of the rare books that are written to help couples achieve a satisfying and healthy marriage based on Christian principles.

The secret in making a relationship or marriage work, aside from prayer, is orienting ones self with the complexity of love and marriage, the difference of sexes and learning how to work as a team in using these differences as an advantage for a loving and satisfying union.

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