An Old Love Re-Visited Me in Dream

The subject of my poem, "Someone from My Past", visited me in a dream once again. He was a best friend whom for a long time I cared for but whom I was never able to express my love to, verbally at least.

The entire period of time that we´re together, I didn´t even admit to myself that what I felt for him was indeed, love. With all the care and love that he showered me, unconsciously I felt that he cared for me more than just a friend. And quite embarrassing as it is now to think about, back then I always thought we would somehow end up together.

But we didn´t ...

Sure, I married my best friend but he´s not the first best friend whom I loved when I was young. I married someone who I met many years later, when I was already done crying for the loss of that first love because he married someone else when I was away, when he thought I abandoned him, when we didn´t have any contact, and when I was in fact strugling for my life and survival alone in a foreign land. But him, he decided to marry someone else without waiting for me, without looking for me.

It was true love gone with the distance and without communication. But it was so over many years ago. Seven years in particular. I´m now happily married, so blessed with my husband. A year after my marriage that first love found me in facebook and added me there. Through his photos I learned that he´s now living happily with his wife, two step children, and three children of his own.

So why did I dream about him again last night? Why do I dream about him every after few months in the first place?

In the dream I saw my husband and the first love. I asked permission to my husband if I and my best friend could talk privately, he said "yes", so I and the best friend went to look for a vacant room. It was like an apartment and we were in the second floor. All rooms were occupied so while standing on the stairs, we thought to go down to the first floor and look for a room there where we could have privacy to talk. There were so many things to talk about, so many questions to ask.

It was a flood of familiar feelings, excitement of seeing him again, missing him, and joy of being able to talk to him again, and hope that finally we could put closure to that old good story.

But when we reached the first floor we ended up in a hall full of people, there was a party and a band was playing on stage. Somebody grabbed him and asked if he could play the guitar with the band. He looked like he´d say "No" but the person who was pulling him was persistent. He was a good guitarist and the crowd wanted him to play for them.

He wasn´t able to utter anything before he was drown in the crowd. I didn´t know if he wanted to say, "I´ll be back.", "I´ll be quick." or "Just go ahead." Standing in the dark I waited, trying to figure out what he wanted to tell me, deciding if i should stay and wait for him or should I go. I wasn´t even sure if he would still come back to speak to me.

After a little while I decided, if he really wanted to speak to me, he shouldn´t have left me. He should have pushed away from the crowd and stood beside me so we could look for a room. But he left me, he went with the crowd.

As the dream faded away, I knew I left the partying crowd and went back to my husband who was patiently waiting for me upstairs.

Photo credit: wehearit.com

Know when to walk away from your relationship

Some people stay in their relationship just because they're scared to walk away; they find the relationship a probable way to escape a hard life e.g. financial improvement, they see it as a relationship for convenience, they love the person so much that they are ready to take whatever it is, or simply because they think they couldn’t find someone else. These individuals stay in a relationship even if it means losing self respect and self worth.

A good relationship is something that equates whatever you give. It is a safe haven which allows you to retreat from a very harsh world and allows you to be just who you are. It is a relationship that gives you support to achieve your goals, protects you from the meanness of life, allows you to grow into a better person and gives you the opportunity to give all the love that you have and appreciates it.

When should you walk away from a relationship then? The answer is actually simple –when you are no longer happy. But in some situations, the answer is complex.

If you see yourself holding on to a relationship just because you see it as a means of escape from your unhappy life, you better take a pause and carefully examine yourself. Jumping into a relationship with so much baggage is not a good thing because it would deter a happy union. The bundle of unhappiness from the other areas of your life would always give you reason to be unhappy in your relationship. You better work them out yourself first before you can expect much from your relationship. Also, if you see the relationship as a means to improve your financial situation, then that really can be dangerous because you tend to become blind on other things. For example, you might be too focused on the monetary benefits your relationship can bring but unable to see that your partner is not capable of providing your other needs. Money is not everything.

If the relationship causes you to lose self respect that is a very clear indication that you better walk away. Self respect is very important because unless you respect yourself, no one would. But if your relationship takes that away from you, then you better take heed. A loving relationship must be able to reciprocate what you give. You give respect to your partner and you get respect back. If that fails, everything would.

If your partner does not see your worth, then you must work on showing him your value. For example, if you feel that your partner is not proud of you, then make it a goal to become successful in your career or in anything that you do. Perhaps you should improve your looks and become more attractive. However, if nothing works, then maybe it’s time to consider walking away. Someone’s junk can be someone’s gold. Never push yourself on someone who does not see your worth.

A meaningful relationship makes you happy in every aspect and in every little thing it gives. You deserve to be happy.

P.S. This post is primarily focused on relationships before marriage. However, on some situations it can also be applied to marriage relationship. A more detailed article on walking away from your marriage relationship is coming soon. :) 

photo credit: weheartit.com

The secret in making a relationship or marriage work

I am a strong believer of the notion that for a relationship to work, it takes great effort from both parties. The love and fire might be there, but if not nurtured, doesn't take a while to wither. Love and relationship are like a rose. You plant it, water it, cultivate it, and talk to it. It grows, it flowers, it spreads its beauty right before your eyes. But stop watering it, stop talking to it every morning when you wake up or after you arrive from work, its stems would slowly grow thin, the flowers would start to grow shy, not spreading its petals to its fullest anymore. Not long, its roots would dry. Even if its stems and flowers seem to survive, the roots are dried. Then it dies.

But sometimes you wonder why your plant dies. You water it every time, you make sure you tend to it as much you can. But why it isn't growing as healthy as you want. It remains thin, it never flowers and eventually it dies. Then you decide that maybe growing rose just isn't your forte. Maybe, some people are just blessed with rosy hands they're the only ones that can grow beautiful roses. But I agree not. It isn't about the hands, instead, it's all about the skills and techniques. Growing up with a mom who grows lots of beautiful roses of varied types and colors I learned, that roses are very sensitive. It requires care in watering and tending them. For example, in watering a rose, you should avoid applying water directly to its base. When the pressure of water moves its roots, the rose reacts to it extremely against especially if it's still young. The amount of water applied should also be considered. Is it newly planted? Is it too young still thriving to grow? and the like.

Tending a relationship or marriage is similar to tending a rose, only more complicated. As a soon to be wife, I am aware of this fact. But I am on a mission of making my relationship and soon to be marriage work. I read a lot of relationship tools and a lot of articles that unwrap the mystery of an opposite sex. I found that understanding how different a man and a woman and how their differences can actually create a stronger team instead of a chaotic double if dealt properly has lead to a happy relationship that I am enjoying right now.

The fear is still there, what happens if I wake up one morning to a mundane marital routine? But to armor myself, I am turning to books. Four books that would make me equipped to enter marriage are sleeping beside me at night. I devour them as much as I can. These books are the ones that I hunger to read and thanks to a dear friend, the blogger behind Nice Thoughts and Thrills, she has made my access to these books possible. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray, "Making Marriage Work" by Harold J. Sala, "A wife after God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George, "The Act of Marriage, The Beauty of Sexual Love" by Tim&Beverly LaHaye are ones of the rare books that are written to help couples achieve a satisfying and healthy marriage based on Christian principles.

The secret in making a relationship or marriage work, aside from prayer, is orienting ones self with the complexity of love and marriage, the difference of sexes and learning how to work as a team in using these differences as an advantage for a loving and satisfying union.

photo: weheartit

I’m thankful that my journey in searching for “The one” has ended

There was a time when I thought that I am professionally accomplished but romantically a failure. I was a straight A student since elementary, high school and up to college and was always an achiever. However, I found that being an achiever has got its cons when it comes to relationships; at least, that’s what I thought. Some men were obviously into me but they never came up to speak up. Those who did, however, did not measure up to my standards. Time has passed that I was always lonely wondering when I would find Mr. Right.

I grew up into an adult and learned how to deal with men better so that I started to be in a relationship. However, one relationship after another always ended up in broken heart. But I noticed that each relationship was not independent of each other. In fact, it was a chain. A broken relationship would give way for the next, and so on. But I was anxious to meet Mr. Right and I wanted to meet him at the right time. I wanted to get married at 28 and I wanted to meet him at age 27. Four years before my target age for marriage I thought that perhaps I should make a marathon prayer. I decided to pray for what I wanted for an entire year. Nobody knew about it but my prayer every night was the same – That God would introduce to me Mr. Right at age 27 or a little earlier and that I should get married with the one that God has intended for me at age 28. So it was a complete 366 days that I was praying the same thing every night before I go to sleep. After that entire year of marathon prayer, I started to be in some meaningful relationships, of which three ended up in break ups and so much pain. A part of me was losing hope, but a bigger part of me believed that God would just send me the one when it is time.

At one time I was nursing a broken heart when I met a guy online. I thought that I could use him as a rebound. I was not very attracted at him at first but I did like the fact that he was sexy and a very appealing man. What was supposed to be a play around rebound driven by my desire for revenge had turned out into a very loving and satisfying relationship. Seven months of daily chatting and phone call, and two months after I turned 26, the man flew for 21 hours to meet me in person. Three months later, few months before I turned 27, the man flew back again to propose. And by this date, we are six months away from our big day. When my boyfriend proposed, it dawned on me that I was actually nearing 27 and the date that we agreed for the wedding would make me nearing age 28. Just perfect for my calendar! But above all, more than the age, the man that God has given me is everything that I had asked for. I am marrying the man that loves me completely and who’s determined to make me happy.

I am thankful for the faith that I had, believing that God would definitely give me the one at the right time. I am also thankful for having God beside me throughout my journey of search, strengthening me every time I get hurt when the pain nobody could fathom, and teaching me to let go and to forgive and for always giving me hope. Finally, I thank God for giving me what I deserve and for making me genuinely happy.

Where to go for online dating tips? Best recommended dating sites

When I go to church to worship, I am always teased by friends that I “go to church to search”. Actually, there is truth on it. I do search in church. However, all the great guys in the church are taken.

At work, very few single men are around and in most cases, they are either in a relationship or they are engaged. If there happens to be anybody that is available, he is not my type.

Then I was told to spend more time socializing so that somehow, I will meet Mr. Right. But the sad thing is Mr. Right is not socializing. He is busy at work, spends his free time at the gym, and goes home and spends the remaining free time with his computer before he goes to bed. So what am I supposed to do? It is when online dating comes in.

With the world battling recession, Mr. Right and Ms. Right understands that competition at work is stiff, thus, socializing becomes less a priority. That is why more and more great guys and gals turn to online dating as a means to search for a partner and to ultimately find his or her soul mate because it is convenient. It is available whenever it is free time.

However, there are things that should be kept in mind when you do online dating. Since too many people now turned to online dating, there is an unwritten competition. It is important to stand out from the crowd. It is necessary to choose carefully the photos to use which would captivate Mr. Right or Ms. Right and at the same time would show the real you. It is a must that you make a great presentation of you. It is prevalent that you know and apply the tactics in an effective online dating.

So how would you know the effective way to online dating? Does it have to be a trial and error experience and spend too much of energy and time in figuring out? No, you do not have to waste unnecessary heartaches. I, having my own relationship a product of online dating, recommend you a site which gives online dating tips to guide you through every facet of online dating. They have readily available articles about tips for effective online dating and they have listed FAQ that would give you a quick peek into the minds of other searchers such as you and that eventually, help to cater your needs. They also recommend tested quality online dating websites which have good reputations in helping people find their mate. Above all, you are always free to contact them for any queries or assistance that you would need.

In as much as it is crucial to find Mr. Right or Ms. Right, finding the right dating website and the right online dating guide is also imperative.

How to nurture a long distance relationship

I understand why many people refuse to be in a “romantic long distance relationship”. It takes a lot to nourish and nurture such a relationship and it requires much more effort from both parties to be able to strengthen it compared to a normal relationship.

I'm in a long distance relationship. I'm so much blessed with this relationship and it helps me feel excited to live every day of my life. However, there are so many hurdles that I and my boyfriend endure and I wouldn’t say it’s been easy. Yet, I can also attest that regardless the difficulties, if the couple is determined to brave them, there are ways to nourish the relationship despite the distance.

Communication is always important and it’s the strongest weapon for the couple who maintains a long distance relationship. Make sure to spend quality communication time every day. For us, we spend at least an hour and at most 3 hours talking over the phone for week days. For weekends, we spend more time over the phone simultaneous with a web cam. Note: we discovered later that Skype is very efficient for both web cam and voice chat. It saved us lots of bucks.

Trust. Any relationship requires trust otherwise without this element; the relationship wouldn't thrive to grow. However, trusting your mate is much more needed in a long distance relationship. You cannot see what your mate is doing and where he goes. The only thing you can hold is his words and your trust on those words. On your side, make sure that you, too, is worthy of trust. Don't do anything that can potentially ruin his trust when he finds out.

Find a recreation that you both can enjoy. Talking over the phone for hours every day can exhaust topics that are left to discuss and thus would lead to boredom. It's important that the couple find other means to spend time creatively with fun. When my boyfriend found out that I felt bored with always chatting over the phone, he started to look for websites where we could play online games together and laugh together. It's really fun.

Send crafty personalized gifts. My boyfriend pampers me with a lot of gifts but the best gift he sent me was his sketch of the portrait of my godchild, a very beautiful girl. As a return, I also made two charcoal sketches for him; one is a portrait of him and the other of me. When he received them, he was completely stunned at how good I made them. He immediately framed and displayed them in his room. Sometimes he sends me a t-shirt with his perfume on it, the one which is my favorite. As a return, I also send him a favorite dress or a sweater. [But since it's a favorite dress, he gives it back to me when me reunite.]

Send letters through postal mails. Even if technology makes writing too quick and easy nowadays; e.g. emailing or instant messaging, sending hand written letters or cards to your mate is much more romantic. It feels good to read something written by your love by hand.

Find time to see each other. Even if it can be expensive and stressful, it's important that the couple finds time to meet and be together especially if time and resources allow. It can be during summer vacation or Christmas vacation. Reuniting for a week or two and making the most out of this short time can refuel the relationship. The memories and experiences can inspire the couple to look forward to more exciting reunion in the future.

These are the top elements that proved necessary for my own long distance relationship. Feel free to share what you think. I'd love to hear them.

Fragrance

A fragrance very manly
Still lingers in the air
Despite being lonely
I embraced your trail.
Here in my room,
Alone.

Broad shoulders
I use to lean on,
Strong muscular arms
Those serve as my pillows
Are gone for tonight
More nights.

The last vision I saw
Your arms around me
Sitted on your well-built thigh
I smelled the perfume
On your neck.
Secured.

But you left your
Heart for me
And brought mine
With you.
I'll endure the distance
For you.

The day I learned how much my dad loves me

I was feeling something weird on my face one day. It must have started slow without me noticing, or it could have come over night – I did not know. The left side of my face was stiff. I could not eat properly, I could not speak clearly, and when I laughed or smiled, only the right side of my face was moving. I looked so ugly. I was twelve years old.

The doctor said it was mild stroke. So many “whys” and “hows” were unanswered. The only possible cure was a therapy. The big word was “possible”. There was no guarantee that my face would come back to normal.

I decided to sit quietly inside the classroom when I was at school. I stopped raising my hand to participate in class discussions. Nobody would understand me anyway. One teacher found it very unusual for me to sit so quietly and not participate in class. He was asking quite a tough question one time and a number of classmates had given answers already but the teacher still wanted more. The question was part of the homework he gave on the other day. Then he called my name. I was very anxious to stand and speak. But the teacher was waiting. The entire class was waiting. I gathered all courage to stand and give my answer. I knew that what I had in mind would suffice to satisfy the teacher. But halfway of my speaking the entire class was laughing furiously including the teacher. Some classmates were mimicking the way I spoke. I wanted to vanish from the place.

I stopped going to school. I refused to talk to people other than my family. I stuck myself inside our house. My dad was very sad. He told me that there must be a very big reason why God allowed it to happen to me. I knew the reason why. My mom, my dad, and I knew why.

Two days before I noticed something unusual on face, there was a big fight between my mom and dad. It was Friday evening. The Sabbath has started. But instead of preparing to go to church for a divine worship, I and my mom were preparing to go to a coronation night at school where I was asked to deliver my winning declamation piece “I am an Addict”. My dad refused to allow me to go to the coronation because it was already Sabbath but my mom was supporting me with my decision to go. Despite my dad’s opposition, I and my mom went to school.

The school was extremely isolated from the village. It was a big compound with new buildings. It was positioned at the feet of the mountains on the other side of a very big river. It was the huge bridge that was connecting the school to the village. There were no residences around.

I delivered my declamation piece around midnight, after which, my mom and I immediately went home.

On the Sabbath day, Saturday, my parents and my siblings were all ready to go to church but I was still in bed. I couldn’t get up because I was feeling so weak. Both my eyes were very swollen and I could not open them. My dad said that it was the result of my prioritizing to go to the coronation instead of observing the Sabbath. I had to stay at home that Sabbath day.

On the second day after I delivered my declamation, my eyes were healed and I felt strong again. However, in replacement to the swollen eyes, my face started to feel stiff. I tried to keep it to myself because I was scared that my parents would worry so much. Yet shortly, I could not hide the stiffness of my face anymore. I had to use more body language to communicate.

My parents were very disturbed. Several of their friends advised them to find a quack doctor because they believed that my face was a work of some evil spirits. My parents simply explained to them that we don’t seek help from quack doctors. We only seek help from God. My dad believed that only God could cure my face.

When I went to bed at night, my dad was making sure that there were bibles placed on both my sides. At midnight, my mom and dad would wake me up for a midnight prayer. It was a practice that took for about a week. But unknowingly, my dad was painfully seeking help from God. He was on his knees for how many times everyday begging God to tell him what to do to cure his eldest daughter. Then one night, he had a dream. He saw a flash of light on a very dark room. The light revealed a bottle of water. In his dream my dad asked what should he do with the water? The answer was, use the water to massage the face. My dad woke up after the dream and was unable to sleep until morning.

When I woke up, my dad gave me an empty bottle and asked me to clean it and fill it with water. When I was done, I gave the bottle to him. My dad then said that we had to go inside the room. We knelt and prayed. My dad was praying. He was asking for the forgiveness of our sins. He was asking God to bless the water so that through it, my face will be back to normal. My dad’s voice went crack, then he was crying. I opened my eyes. I saw my dad with his eyes close, still praying, but the tears were just coming down his cheeks so rapidly. I never saw my dad cry. He is a very gentle but a tough guy. I was unable to close my eyes back. I was just staring at my dad in awe. At that very moment, I realized how much my dad loves me.

After the prayer, my dad massaged my face using the water from the bottle.

Later in the afternoon, when my siblings were already back from school, we were playing in our backyard. I was on top of a guava tree and was laughing to my brother’s story when I realized something has changed. I hurriedly climbed down the guava tree and ran back to the house. I took a mirror and smiled in front of it. I saw a pretty smile. Then I was laughing. Then I was shouting calling my dad. I ran to my dad’s shop which was just in front of our house announcing the good news “my face is healed!”

Right now, as I sit in front of my computer writing down this testimony, I cannot help but cry and smile while I see that girl running to her papa announcing the good news that her face was again pretty. Her dad simply hugged her and said “Thank God”.

Do teachers only go into teaching because they’re a big kid inside?

This is a very interesting question that I came across tonight. Is it because teachers do not want to leave school and hang out with older people out in the real world that they go into teaching? Is it because they can woo younger people while at the same time get paid? Is it because that teachers do not have lives and they would rather kill their time doing all the mountains of school work even bringing them at home while their pay check reflects a not so impressive salary? Is it because these teachers are just lame they could not apply the theories they learned so they would rather teach? Or is it that teachers are simply retards they got their jobs so they can boss kids around?

An answer to these questions could be that teachers chose their profession because they are attracted to it. They have a love of learning and an even greater love of sharing it with others. It is a very unselfish profession.

Teaching in general is a poorly paid and mostly a thankless profession. Teachers are not appreciated for their commitment and for their effort to do their best to give what they have and to teach what they learnt to their students.

If everyone decides to hang out with the older people in the real world, could you imagine how the real world would be like?

Why you shouldn’t date someone with a girlfriend?

In a strict ethics wise, there is no need to discuss why you should not date someone with a girlfriend [or boyfriend; it works both ways]. Definitely, it is not acceptable. However, even to those very people who seem to be on top of everything, situations may come that would test their ability to choose what is right and what is wrong. Such situations could be a way to understand how it feels to be on the other side of the line.

There are reasons why you should not date someone with a girlfriend.

1. You would have to stay in the shadow.

No matter what the situation may be; whether the guy’s relationship with his partner is extremely weak and is close to breaking, or even if he is already breaking up with his partner but the partner is not accepting, still, he could not expose you to everyone. He is still in the circle where people hope and pray that they would patch up.

2. He says something but he means something else.

Even if the guy says that he wants to break free from the relationship and just want to be with you, but that the girl is using emotional black mail such as jumping over the building to commit suicide to trap him in the relationship, what he really wants to say is that he cannot break free. For whatever reasons, the fact that the girlfriend still has a hold on him means that he is not sure if he really wants to be with you.

3. He meets up with you only during spare time.

If he dates or meets up with you only if his schedule allows him to, that means, that his so called “trapped relationship” is still his priority.

4. You would have to live with the comparison.

He tells you that he is falling in love with you because you have the qualities that he longs to find in a partner that his current partner does not possess. It could be the intellectual satisfaction or commonness and similarity of interests that drew him to you, however, there are also qualities that his partner possesses that you don’t. At the end, the comparison goes vice-versa.

5. You would have to live with the guilt.

Even if you win him at the end, the guilt will always come back to you. You will always be haunted by the thought that you built your happiness on someone else’s misery.

6. There would always be mistrust.

Even if the guy ultimately chooses you over his partner, you will have difficulty trusting him. There will always be issues of mistrust in your relationship. You will always be threatened by the thoughts of ‘what if he does it back to you’?

7. There would always be people who would label you as the “stealer”.

This scenario is inevitable and should be expected. It would require toughness on you to face the world and not get affected. You would have to think of the people who stood their ground, survived and are happy such as Angelina Jolie.

Yesterday was a big day, 'twas my birthday

Okay, so it was my birthday. Wow, you guys don’t have any idea how happy I was yesterday. I thought it would be a very quiet day. Birthdays stopped to matter a lot to me since I moved out from home and stood on my own at the age of twenty. Oftentimes I celebrated my birthdays quietly and alone. Sometimes, I even tend to forget, lol. But yesterday, I went to school thinking that nobody would know that it was my day. Big mistake… A lot of students were actually waiting for me to greet me “a happy birthday”. How did they know? Hmmm, thanks to all the social networks and they knew my birthday through face book. My own class, year 7a, were all smiling and greeting me well for my birthday. Even my students from Key stage 4, year 10, which students I teach IGCSE Mathematics were all excited to greet a happy birthday. It really feel so good to be remembered on my day especially if I don’t expect people to remember it.

Early yesterday morning, I and Joy [a co-teacher and a close friend] were walking together to school. She said she noticed something on me which she opted not to mention, she says I looked fresh and well dressed [well, just a little more than the everyday look, lol]. She didn’t know it was my birthday and I intended not to remind it to anyone even to close friends [simply because I didn’t want to buy a cake, lol]. Later at school, I passed on the corridors of Key Stage 2 where Joy teaches grade 6. She pulled me inside her room because she got some tiny gossips to tell. When I got into the room, the year 6 students stopped on whatever they were doing and sang a happy birthday for me. I was very surprised because I don’t teach elementary and I don’t know much of the students. But Joy was more than surprised. With wide eyes she inquired the class what was the song for. The class chorused “it’s teacher Glee’s birthday.” Joy hugged me and was giggling despite her embarrassment. That was really touching. Later in the afternoon, I went to year 7b for the last period and when I entered the classroom, the students were already standing singing the happy birthday song while their homeroom teacher Michael was smiling at the back. Again, I was touched.

I received a couple of gifts from my some of my students and the thoughts were simply overwhelming.


One boy from year 4 was in the language room where I was tutoring one student from key stage 3 after school. This boy is the son of my co-teacher who teaches Urdu language. He was hearing all the greetings and best wishes for me during the time that I was tutoring but he was just sitting quietly in the corner. When he’s mom called him because it was time to go home, he came to me and handed me a note [the greetings photo above], said “happy birthday” and ran out the room. It was the sweetest thing I received from the school that day.

After a one hour tutorial at school, hurriedly I head to the next tutorial outside school. I easily got an air-conditioned but and it surprised me that even the traffic was bad; it was not as bad as the other day. I got to my tutee’s house smoothly. The mom heard from her daughter that it was birthday; she prepared some meal for me as treat. After one hour, I then went to the third and the last tutorial. I had to take a bus and a ferry to get to the next tutee’s house. And again, the travel was smooth and I reached the house on time.

On my way home late at eight o’clock at night, sitted in the bus, I was reflecting on how my day went and how life was in the past year. It gave me so many smiles. I got a great life. God is so good to me.

When I reached the apartment, Joy and her baby, baby Alexis, were waiting for me outside and revealed the news that the packages from my boyfriend has come. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I knew that he sent me some love stuff but we were expecting it to come late. It couldn’t be much better. I was very excited, I took the baby from Joy and we swiftly went upstairs to the fifth floor.

I was opening the packages [both packets came together even if they were sent several days apart] while Joy was ordering some pizzas. I was filled with so much joy when I saw what my hubby has got for me. He’s the most thoughtful and loving guy I ever met [not to mention with the most expensive taste for stuff]. He’s mom sent me a card too wishing me well and happiness for life. We live far apart but he never fails to show his love.



I couldn’t ask more for a birthday. It was completely awesome.

I LOVE YOU

When I wake up in the morning,
First thing in mind is you.
It brings me smile
All the while.

‘Cause the love that you have for me
Is too big and too much
To fill my heart;
Takes all part.

I’ve never been loved like you do
Nev’r been taken care of
As much you do
Just from you.

And because of this I love you.
I wish to share my heart
And all my love
Even life.

Yes, there are times that I am scared
Scared that I might fail you
But I’ll try hard
To be true.

If God has plan for me and you
A future together
Then don’t ever
Let me go.

I will love you with all my heart
Will try my best and be
Good girl always
Not bad girl : )

I know I can hurt you badly
At times that I do it
I feel so bad
I’m sorry

Before I close my eyes at night
Last words I hear from you
Magic words: One
Two Three Four


And I thank God for having you
A gem that’s rare to find
I can shout loud
I love you.

In doing what I love...

There's no other plight I face every morning when I wake up, and after I do my bed, but that's 'what I should wear for the day'. Oftentimes, when I open my closet, in deciding what to wear, I would say, 'how I wish i got more clothes'. And then an alter ego pops in, the practical side and say 'why? Don’t you have enough?' Oh sure, I got enough. But I want more. I need more choices, you know? And then I'll settle myself quick for a comfortable suit to aid me in a very demanding job, but that actually, does not make my day. I noticed that if I wear something that I feel sexy and elegant, it gives me more drive to work and thus, makes me more productive. I noticed this in myself ever since I figured out how important it is to look good. Simply put, clothes have big impact on me in terms of productivity.

But that's not all. I also have these girly fantasies in me typical to any other girl out there and that's wearing the most beautiful clothes in the world. All those fabulous designers’ clothes are all within reach in my dreams, lol. Who would know anyway? But this desire and love of fashion is boiling within me. And again, just within.

In the past five years, I devoted myself in creative writing. Writing poetry and prose was my sole outlet. I had written quite a number of poems, short stories, essays and articles about a variety of subjects, as well as a novel [which is halfway undone and has been sitting in the corner for two years now]. However, I write more when I feel sad and less when I'm happy. This was a puzzle that I was trying to figure out; why is my writing at its peak when I'm feeling down, broken hearted or frustrated? And what do I do more when I'm happy?

Well, it took me sometime to figure out. If I’m happy, my attention is actually focussed more on fashion. Lol. Yes, it’s true. Fashion for me is tantamount to happiness.

And so one day I've decided that it’s time to do what I love more. I have several blogs here and there, all creative writing, and for a time, they became a toil that I felt lazy doing them. But now, I’ve started blogging about something that I really love - fashion.

I named my blog "creative fashion" because creativity is my sole principle. This blog site is new and I am still learning on how to be efficient in doing this. So to all the guests who happen to visit my site, I welcome you all. I hope to give more for your enjoyment in the future.

Crushed

Standing beside the window in her room, Julia avails the perfect view of the garden. Different kinds of flowers skillfully arranged graced the entire place. The flowers spread their petals to taste the warmth of the rising sun. Well trimmed grasses prepared to stand as the dews leave them to explore the atmosphere. The trees stood proud and strong bearing the thick green leaves that were always pleasing to the eyes. The fragrance of the roses diffuses in the air like a fancy perfume. Everything was arranged as though the landscaper had envisioned how they would look like at the perfect bloom. On any other day, this scenery will always raise her mood to its peak and she would go to work singing and loving every hour that pass. But this day isn’t just any day. Today, she had to face the biggest turn around in her life that she had never dreamt or anticipated.

She remembered how perfect things were. She had a wonderful fiancée, a trusted friend, and a good job. She was happy nursing her soon to be mother.

If only she told Michael the truth, things would have been different. But she was scared. She couldn’t bare the thought of losing him so she made him believe that she came from a decent family. She wanted to run away from her mother’s past. She had wanted to be accepted in his society. She tried hard to bury everything about her family. But she made one big mistake. She let Cindy dig in her past. Or was it really a mistake?

She lifted her face to hold the tears; but with a mind of their own, came rushing freely down her cheeks. The confrontation she had with Michael echoed in her mind. She closed her eyes.

“How could you do this to me?” His face was hard as stone. His look was deep and penetrating.

“I didn’t mean to.” Her voice was shaking. She couldn’t meet his eyes.

“You didn’t mean to hide that your mom was a whore? That she conceived you out from her profession? You made me believe a completely different story. Each day I had with you were days spent in lies.”

She was speechless. She wanted to reach for him but she couldn’t move.

“This isn’t gonna work Julia.” He said in a voice soft but firm.

“I’m sorry Michael but believe me I didn’t mean to …”

“This isn’t about your mom!” Michael interrupted. “This is about me and you. This is about trust.”

“Please give me another chance.” She reached for his hands but he shook them away.

“I found a new nurse for my mom.” He declared.

From behind the door, Cindy appeared. She went to his side and together, they held each other’s hand. It was all Julia needed to see. Things were made clear to her. Cindy, the woman whom she trusted her secrets, who promised to seal them even to her grave, was the one who informed Michael about it. The informer who took her man and her life away.

Her heart was crying but her eyes could offer no more tears. She opened her eyes and saw the entire garden very alive. She lifted her eyes to the sky. The clouds were moving lightly but gracefully. The blue background of the sky was comforting, offering peace.

With a deep breath and a sigh, she gave the garden one last glance. Then she turned her back and took her bags.

Sunshine at night

Fingers tangled together
Wrapped upon each other
The feel of his skin
Tucked above my shin
Is heaven

The warmth of his hug
And the smell of his neck
Are too strong for a tug
That sends my heart to its peak
Not bleak

A raise of his eyebrow
Means, a punch line he'll throw
With lips forming a line
Gives a handsome smile
Worthwhile

The feel of his beard
Upon my fingertips
A chuckle is heard
When I touched him
Above the lips

The strength he gives
In my heart lives
Regardless of fear
He remains so dear
And bear

In the dimness of the night
Saved the shy moonlight
A question came unexpectedly,
"Will you wanna be with me?"
Struck me

As free as the river
So rich were the emotions
I never felt ever
Arms stretch wide in motion
Came a loud "Yes!"

Three common letters
Why-eeeh-esss
My whole life is at stake
But I won't break
Promise

Sealed by a bear hug
Our hearts met
Await may the fog
Who would bet?
But God

I offer him a clean sheet
As white as a sheep
Yet to be written
His love statement
I'm waitin'

Isn't he brave enough
to take the fight?
Isn't he bold enough
to follow his heart?
Yet, isn't he trapped?

Moon and stars were shy
Giving way for that sunshine
In his arms that very night
A silent prayer in my mind
"Deliver him for me, Oh God!"

Poem ranks 11th out of 396 poems at helium.com http://www.helium.com/items/1243352-sunshine-love-fight-for-love

Adieu to my Sunshine

The stillness of my room
And the coldness of the walls
Defeat the warmth of the foam
I sat, alone.

Staring through the window
Pass through the balcony
The sky bestowed
It's gloomy.

No stars.
No moon.

Searching for the light
My eyes tried hard
Even just a candle light
I looked forward.

My heart yearns for that light
Is it shy?
My head faces the plight
Did it fly?

But I said goodbye
to that sunshine.

Not that I didn't want it to shine
Nor did I want it to hide
But that it was mine
for a short time.

Not that he didn't bear his light
Farther than a far he shined
But with curtains of light traps
He was trapped.

Who am I to free his snares?
If I'm, but a silhouette?

Blessed by that sunshine, I was
A treasure, he was.
Should I kill to reach the rays?
What's the price?

But I had to let go.

With a smile in my lips
And tears in my eyes,
Let me say "Adieu"
To my sunshine.

[Poem ranks 18th out of 216 poems at helium.com www.helium.com/items/1245557-adieu-good-bye]

Broken Dreams

It lurked behind the sun, watching
Waiting for the curtains to close,
When all dogs finished their dinner and
All vendors took their last satang.
At last it succumbed the entire city,
Spirits drifted up and down their sleep.
The shriek of silence so deafening
Darkness!

Underneath the soft cotton blankets,
Beside the silky pillows and
The hugs of plush toys,
A soul was fully awake.
Could anyone free her from those barricades?
Her hands struggled for freedom
But her wrists were tied.
She screamed for help but no one heard
The joyful song of the river swallowed her screams

The same soul stood above the waves.
Balancing, longing to cross to the other edge.
She dug squared fox holes deep down the ground,
But couldn’t find what she was looking for.
She needed to wash her hands,
But everywhere were glasses of wine.
Yet before anything could besiege her;
A whirlwind of fog surrounded her.

She focused her blurred vision, a figure.
Clad in white panama shirt
His long white trousers touched his feet
Every time he stepped;
His long eye lashes were very beautiful,
His full lips curved in a smile, inviting.
The gleams in his eyes hid their color
But wisdom they did mirror.

They trailed along side the beach.
Little breezes crept over polished water;
Ran towards the sand in lazy cottons
And touched their feet.
Birds were flying above their heads;
Flashed up and down in happy songs.
Hand in hand they beheld the beauty
Of their new found paradise.


But then birds’ songs turned into witch-like cries;
Echoed one after another.
Bright colors turned into gray
When from the water a predator
Came out hungry for prey.
In her own eyes, the violent whale took him away.
With tear-blind eyes she bowed,
His spectacles in her hands.
Her hands were free! They’ve been freed!
She jerked to run after him. She needed him back.
But lo! Her feet were bounded with chains.

The fire, hungry like a devil,
Crept along the branches;
Consumed the trunk of the towering mango tree,
Determined to reach the fruits.
She watched the healthy fruits gave in,
Breaking!