How Your Thoughts Control Your Happiness

"The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts." ~ Anonymous

I met this proverb in facebook, it´s circulated around, shared by many users to inspire those who read it. This proverb isn´t new, it´s been said by many people in different mediums and in different ways. But are we actually reading the message?

Everyone of us seek to be happy. We have different definition of happiness. Other people search for it by acquiring more money, others hope to find happiness by looking beautiful, while others hope to be happy by inflicting misery on others. But no matter how much we chase for happiness, it remains illusive to many. Why?

The answer is simple - unless you learn to entertain only quality thoughts, you will never be happy. Instead, you´ll feel stressed.

Quality thoughts are thoughts that make you smile, give you hope, inspire you, make you thankful of all your gifts and blessings, fuel you with gratitude, encourage you to be content, and above all, thoughts that praise your Maker.

Although negative thoughts are often stronger than quality, positive thoughts, the good news is our mind can be trained. You can control your thoughts the same way your thoughts control your happiness.

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10 Things I am Most Thankful Right Now

Last week, in my effort to seek divine help on the personal struggle that I was dealing, I learned that being more thankful on every blessing and good thing is one effective way to live happy.

Last week´s sabbath lesson challenged me to write the top ten things I am most thankful right now, to take a moment to thank God in prayer, and then observe the difference on my perspective afterwards. I did. I kept my note because I thought I would love to share it with you. So here are the things I´m very grateful.

1. A happy marriage - I´m a little less than two years married to my husband and for the entire time, I´m happy with him. He´s very loving, caring, thoughtful, fun and responsible. Although some personal differences at times come between us, we find ways to iron them. He loves me so much and that makes me love him even more.

2. Good health that I, my husband, my family and my friends have - good health is something I never miss thanking God whenever I speak to Him in prayer. Without it, one can never fully enjoy life. I´m always thankful to God that He keeps me, my husband, my mom and my dad, my siblings, my loved ones, my in-laws, and my friends healthy and safe.

3. A job I love -  after years of praying for a job that would truly make me happy, God granted it. I can´t be happier.

4. My happy parents - my parents raised six kids on their own and even if they were heavily burdened with all the education bills, they hanged on. Now four of us are already professionals and the younger two who are still in the university are doing well. My parents are very happy and their happiness influence us.

5. My successful siblings - being an eldest of six, I took the responsibility towards my siblings seriously. I studied hard and finished my degree early with the help of a scholarship. I went abroad at an early age, strived to earn big and helped my parents finance my siblings´ undergraduate education. In return, my siblings worked hard, looked up to me and carved their own success.

As of now, my sister after me is a successful business woman. A brother graduated from nursing last year, immediately earned his license, got a good job and now prepares/trains for his plan to go abroad. Another brother is a teacher who enjoys working in the Philippines and whom, despite my persuasions, says he´s happy working for his country although he too considers trying his luck abroad.

The fifth sibling and the youngest of three brothers is currently in his third year taking mechanical engineering. He also earned certificates for his electrical trainings. Simultaneous to his studies in mechanical, he does apprenticeship in electrical field. My youngest sister on the other hand, the youngest of the six, is a freshman in computer engineering. I´m very happy and proud of them.

6. A visit to Paris - it was a long-time dream of mine to visit Paris. Last month, with God´s grace and with the help of my husband, we spent our summer vacation in Paris. God is so good.

7. My husband´s great job - I´m always thankful to God for giving my husband a job that he loves and that´s stable. He´s the main breadwinner and what I do is simply to support his income. Because he´s happy at work, his happiness also radiates when he´s at home.

8. A growing closet - because I´m a big fan of fashion, I thank God for giving me a big closet which continually grows.

9. Trustworthy friends - it´s not always that you find special and trustworthy friends. I found them and I´m very thankful for it. They´re scattered across the globe but we still keep in touch.

10. A great laptop and a fast internet connection - because what I do involves the internet, I´m thankful for the gift of a good laptop and internet connection. Through them, I am able to connect with the world and keep in touch with families and friends. They keep me from being lonely here in Europe.

So those are my top ten gifts, what about you? What are you most thankful of right now? Do this activity, write down on a piece of paper the ten things you´re thankful right now, then silently thank God through meditation. Have a great day!

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7 Things Wives Need from Their Husbands to Stay Happy

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Though not all women are the same, a wife usually wants her husband to be a good listener. She also wants regular reminders that she is loved and wanted, craves understanding, needs to feel appreciated, wants you to fulfill your share of responsibility with regards to your kids, needs you to take her out a date every now and then, and longs for occasional alone time.

When it comes to saving your marriage and keeping your relationship healthy, both you and your wife should do your part. Marriage is a give-and-take relationship and it is important that you are able to address her needs and her wants as much as you can to make her happy. Here are the things that a wife usually wants from her husband:

A good listener

Wives usually want their husbands to be good listeners. Aside from your wife’s friends, she needs someone to talk to about the things that go on in her life, at work or at home, with your kids, and her worries or concerns and achievements. Actively listen and pay attention so she knows you are with her every step of the way no matter what.

A reminder that she is loved and wanted

While you may feel like words are not enough to prove your love for your wife, saying sweet little things that remind her she is loved is what she wants. Say "I love you" when you mean it, not only when you are leaving for work, when going to bed, or after a phone conversation. Say it whenever you think it surprises her. Do not forget to admire her when she deserves it, especially when she looks great with her dress, when she looks nice with her new haircut, or just the way she is. Simple words of appreciation can make her really happy.

Understanding

Although understanding is more of a need than a want to get through relationships, women want to be understood more than you think. Women can get really difficult to deal with at times, and when that happens, all she wants from you is to understand why she acts the way she does. She wants you to forgive her for being complicated at times.

Appreciation

In as much as you do, your wife wants to be appreciated with the things she does. She wants to be complimented even with the little things she has accomplished, especially at home. Make her feel delighted for the great dinner she has cooked and for helping your kids get those good grades in school.

Fulfill your share of responsibility with regards to your kids

Kids need attention and discipline from both parents. If in case you are a little too lenient or a bit unconcerned when it comes to rearing your kids, she might want you to be a little bit more responsible. You are a couple, and she wants you to be her partner and discipline the kids when necessary and nurture them through play and quality time. Show her you are as concerned about the kids as she is and that you are doing something to fulfill your responsibility as a father.

A date every now and then

Now that you have a busier job and you have kids around, your time with your wife may not be the same as it was with much less distraction and responsibility. This is one thing she wants more from you now, more than ever. She wants to spend quality time with you. Perhaps a movie date or an occasional night out will make her happy.

Some alone time

It is not that she is tired of having you and your kids around. She just deserves a break from thinking about all the responsibilities at home so she does not get burdened and start feeling depressed . From time to time, she needs her own space and may want to spend it at the salon or spa, go shopping alone, or spend time with her friends.

There may be other things your wife may want from you, but before you can know what they are, talk to her about your relationship and ask if she is happy with her life. This way, you can both learn about each other’s needs and wants so you can both be happy and satisfied with your married life. After all, you both deserve a good life despite the storms that come and go.

Know when to walk away from your relationship

Some people stay in their relationship just because they're scared to walk away; they find the relationship a probable way to escape a hard life e.g. financial improvement, they see it as a relationship for convenience, they love the person so much that they are ready to take whatever it is, or simply because they think they couldn’t find someone else. These individuals stay in a relationship even if it means losing self respect and self worth.

A good relationship is something that equates whatever you give. It is a safe haven which allows you to retreat from a very harsh world and allows you to be just who you are. It is a relationship that gives you support to achieve your goals, protects you from the meanness of life, allows you to grow into a better person and gives you the opportunity to give all the love that you have and appreciates it.

When should you walk away from a relationship then? The answer is actually simple –when you are no longer happy. But in some situations, the answer is complex.

If you see yourself holding on to a relationship just because you see it as a means of escape from your unhappy life, you better take a pause and carefully examine yourself. Jumping into a relationship with so much baggage is not a good thing because it would deter a happy union. The bundle of unhappiness from the other areas of your life would always give you reason to be unhappy in your relationship. You better work them out yourself first before you can expect much from your relationship. Also, if you see the relationship as a means to improve your financial situation, then that really can be dangerous because you tend to become blind on other things. For example, you might be too focused on the monetary benefits your relationship can bring but unable to see that your partner is not capable of providing your other needs. Money is not everything.

If the relationship causes you to lose self respect that is a very clear indication that you better walk away. Self respect is very important because unless you respect yourself, no one would. But if your relationship takes that away from you, then you better take heed. A loving relationship must be able to reciprocate what you give. You give respect to your partner and you get respect back. If that fails, everything would.

If your partner does not see your worth, then you must work on showing him your value. For example, if you feel that your partner is not proud of you, then make it a goal to become successful in your career or in anything that you do. Perhaps you should improve your looks and become more attractive. However, if nothing works, then maybe it’s time to consider walking away. Someone’s junk can be someone’s gold. Never push yourself on someone who does not see your worth.

A meaningful relationship makes you happy in every aspect and in every little thing it gives. You deserve to be happy.

P.S. This post is primarily focused on relationships before marriage. However, on some situations it can also be applied to marriage relationship. A more detailed article on walking away from your marriage relationship is coming soon. :) 

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