Should you date a colleague?

When you sign a contract with a company, the rules listed in the contract might consist of you not allowed to date a colleague. It is not a rule to every institution, however; there are a number that has a clear policy against dating within colleagues. Thus the question, should you date a colleague? Or why shouldn’t you?

I know, you might be thinking “well, it is not allowed as stated in the contract”. But what if the institution you joined is not prohibiting it, would you still consider it?

Here are some good things in dating a colleague.

1. You get inspired to go to work.

Going to work is no longer boring with too many stuff to do. It ceases to be a routine. You start to feel good and to always look forward to go to work. The eight hours just fly too fast and you would not mind working overtime.

2. You start to be particular on how you look.

Okay, we always make sure that we go to work well dressed, but if you date a colleague, you go beyond the simple following the dress code to putting more effort on being attractive. Hectic schedules and business does not stop you to always get a second to check in the mirror if you still have your hair in place, your tie fixed or your lipstick gone.

3. You get the drive to achieve more.

You’ll work harder to achieve more to impress the person you’re dating. You just want to show that you’ll make a perfect mate.

4. You feel that you always have an ally.

Yes, it feels good thinking that whatever happens, you’ll always have someone you can rely on within your institution or perhaps someone who can defend and protect you against any political issues that would arise [if any].

5. You are certain to find a lot of common things from each other.

It isn’t hard to find commonalities or you wouldn’t be working in the same field. And isn’t that the reason why an affair usually happens at work? Where people meet intellectually with the same interests?

However, if the dating or an affair does not turn out well, there are some good reasons you’ll find why you shouldn’t have dated a colleague in the first place.

1. Even if he’s/she’s the last person you want to see, you’ll have to stand seeing him/her everyday.

This is the sad part because in letting go, not seeing the person who broke your heart helps out the process. But if the person is a colleague, then you would have to endure that. You would have to maintain professionalism despite the broken heart.

2. If you’re the one who got dumped, the other party has a big tendency to prove to you that he/she made the right decision. That’s the biggest slap in the face. And the worst part is that he/she has all the opportunities to do it in your face.

Do I have to say more for this? Oh, it’s totally awful. But I tell what? Even if you’re initial reaction is hate the person, in the end, you will have to thank him/her for doing so. Not only has he proved that he does not deserve to have you but that had he not left you, you would not get an opportunity to find someone’s better. So go, say “thank you!”

3. Friends are put in an awkward position.

Friends wouldn’t know how to act around the two of you. They might be forced to divide or be left tagged in the middle. It simply is a break down of a good circle.

The value of a simple “Thank you”

I love giving gifts. I feel that unexplainable happiness when I see someone’s face brightened up while receiving my gift. I give gifts to friends and love ones. I even feel oblige to give alms to those disadvantage people sitting beside the streets. Whenever I come home, I always make sure that I’ve got some presents. However, choosing gifts is always not easy. You have to consider the likes and dislikes of the receiver. You also have to make sure that stuff you choose to give such as clothes and shoes would fit. It is even much difficult to buy gifts for love ones you have not seen for quite a time. And yet, even if you are not obliged to give, you give gifts anyway because it is your way of expressing love and care.

But what happens if your gifts are not appreciated? What would you feel?

I flew all the way from Bangkok to Manila and straight to Puerto Princesa City, after which, I had to travel for two hours through a shuttle van to reach home. I was carrying with me a good 28 kilos of luggage, a 12 kilos hand carry, a laptop and a shoulder bag. I went extremely beyond the allowed number of kilos so I was forced to pay an unbelievable 4,200 baht including both the international and domestic flight. It hurt my pocket but I was thinking that the presents would please my parents, my siblings, some love ones and friends. I chose to let go.

Everyone was happy with what I had for them and they rightfully expressed their happiness and gratitude except my sister whom I heard nothing good about my presents for her but complains. She complained about the expensive shoes I had for her because her toes are too big for them [well, not really too big. She simply got not so sexy toes]. She also complained about the pair suit and skirt I gave for her because her arms are too big for the sleeve [yeah, a little bit bigger arms but does not really look bad]. I was trying to convince her that the shoes and suit just look good on her but she was not convinced anyway. I was hurt so I told her that she does not know how to appreciate. I brought stuff all the way from Bangkok just to be criticized. She said she does not criticize, she simply air what she feels; “Is that wrong?”

“No. It isn’t wrong. My apologies.” Was my answer before I walked away.

My dad intervened after I left explaining to my sister the value of gratitude and appreciation. That regardless of what you feel about the gift, it is important to look at the thought and appreciate. That if she wants to air her thoughts, she should do that in a careful way. That it is all about the approach.

That left me with some thought provoking questions. The ethics that parents teach their kids while going down the stairs to met aunt Griselda to say “Thank you. This is such a nice gift.” no matter what, is it right? Or is it a form of white lies? Is it better to say exactly what you think of the gift for the essence of being true?

I don’t know what you think. But for me, I just say thank you and smile for any gift given to me even if I don’t really like it. I look at the intention and the thoughts and I appreciate.