4 Tips Men Can Use to Make Their Relationships Healthier

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As a man, there are several things that you can do to contribute to a healthy relationship, including communicating and being intimate with your partner, being sensitive to your partner's needs, being confident, and being true to yourself.

Relationships may be harder to deal with than you think. As a man who is concerned about the quality of your relationship with your spouse or girlfriend, you have to do your part. Here are some useful tips to make your relationship with your partner better and healthier:

Communicate and be intimate with your partner

One key piece of relationship advice for men is to communicate. Communication is an important component in a successful relationship, second only, of course, to the love you have for each other. Openness is what most men lack, and that can cause problems to grow and weaken the relationship. Make it a habit to talk about your adventures, concerns, dreams, and even your fears over a cup of coffee every day. Remember that communication must be give and take. Listen to your partner when she needs to talk something out. You can also let her speak first if you are more comfortable with that. This may not come easy for you, but slowly opening up, perhaps starting with the not so personal stuff, can help you get a fresh start towards intimacy and trust.

Be sensitive to the needs of your other half

Women love to shower you with love and attention, reflecting their own need for you to reciprocate similarly. Prove to your lady that you can be as caring and responsive as she is. Be a gentleman always. Do not forget to do the little things that can make her smile, such as opening the door for her, giving her a seat, carrying her, and even simply asking how her day was. Surprise her with flowers from time to time or take her on a date somewhere special, even if there is no occasion. Sweet little gestures like these will help strengthen the bond you have.

Be confident

Weakness is never a manly pose. When challenging situations come your way, it is important to be strong and confident. When there is a misunderstanding with your partner, be strong enough to admit your mistake if you are at fault. Furthermore, be confident enough, without being self-righteous, to respond if your partner is at fault. Assure yourself that you can handle even emotional situations simply by talking things out with your partner.

Be true to yourself

The final piece of effective relationship advice for men is to be true to yourself. Do not pretend to be somebody else in order to please your partner. Pretending to be someone else would probably be the worst thing you can do. Remember, she is with you because she likes you just the way you are, not who she wants you to be. In fact, she would probably beg you not to change at all.

All relationships go through storms. But, by carrying out the right attitude and following the tips mentioned above, you will surely get back to shore.

Know when to walk away from your relationship

Some people stay in their relationship just because they're scared to walk away; they find the relationship a probable way to escape a hard life e.g. financial improvement, they see it as a relationship for convenience, they love the person so much that they are ready to take whatever it is, or simply because they think they couldn’t find someone else. These individuals stay in a relationship even if it means losing self respect and self worth.

A good relationship is something that equates whatever you give. It is a safe haven which allows you to retreat from a very harsh world and allows you to be just who you are. It is a relationship that gives you support to achieve your goals, protects you from the meanness of life, allows you to grow into a better person and gives you the opportunity to give all the love that you have and appreciates it.

When should you walk away from a relationship then? The answer is actually simple –when you are no longer happy. But in some situations, the answer is complex.

If you see yourself holding on to a relationship just because you see it as a means of escape from your unhappy life, you better take a pause and carefully examine yourself. Jumping into a relationship with so much baggage is not a good thing because it would deter a happy union. The bundle of unhappiness from the other areas of your life would always give you reason to be unhappy in your relationship. You better work them out yourself first before you can expect much from your relationship. Also, if you see the relationship as a means to improve your financial situation, then that really can be dangerous because you tend to become blind on other things. For example, you might be too focused on the monetary benefits your relationship can bring but unable to see that your partner is not capable of providing your other needs. Money is not everything.

If the relationship causes you to lose self respect that is a very clear indication that you better walk away. Self respect is very important because unless you respect yourself, no one would. But if your relationship takes that away from you, then you better take heed. A loving relationship must be able to reciprocate what you give. You give respect to your partner and you get respect back. If that fails, everything would.

If your partner does not see your worth, then you must work on showing him your value. For example, if you feel that your partner is not proud of you, then make it a goal to become successful in your career or in anything that you do. Perhaps you should improve your looks and become more attractive. However, if nothing works, then maybe it’s time to consider walking away. Someone’s junk can be someone’s gold. Never push yourself on someone who does not see your worth.

A meaningful relationship makes you happy in every aspect and in every little thing it gives. You deserve to be happy.

P.S. This post is primarily focused on relationships before marriage. However, on some situations it can also be applied to marriage relationship. A more detailed article on walking away from your marriage relationship is coming soon. :) 

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The secret in making a relationship or marriage work

I am a strong believer of the notion that for a relationship to work, it takes great effort from both parties. The love and fire might be there, but if not nurtured, doesn't take a while to wither. Love and relationship are like a rose. You plant it, water it, cultivate it, and talk to it. It grows, it flowers, it spreads its beauty right before your eyes. But stop watering it, stop talking to it every morning when you wake up or after you arrive from work, its stems would slowly grow thin, the flowers would start to grow shy, not spreading its petals to its fullest anymore. Not long, its roots would dry. Even if its stems and flowers seem to survive, the roots are dried. Then it dies.

But sometimes you wonder why your plant dies. You water it every time, you make sure you tend to it as much you can. But why it isn't growing as healthy as you want. It remains thin, it never flowers and eventually it dies. Then you decide that maybe growing rose just isn't your forte. Maybe, some people are just blessed with rosy hands they're the only ones that can grow beautiful roses. But I agree not. It isn't about the hands, instead, it's all about the skills and techniques. Growing up with a mom who grows lots of beautiful roses of varied types and colors I learned, that roses are very sensitive. It requires care in watering and tending them. For example, in watering a rose, you should avoid applying water directly to its base. When the pressure of water moves its roots, the rose reacts to it extremely against especially if it's still young. The amount of water applied should also be considered. Is it newly planted? Is it too young still thriving to grow? and the like.

Tending a relationship or marriage is similar to tending a rose, only more complicated. As a soon to be wife, I am aware of this fact. But I am on a mission of making my relationship and soon to be marriage work. I read a lot of relationship tools and a lot of articles that unwrap the mystery of an opposite sex. I found that understanding how different a man and a woman and how their differences can actually create a stronger team instead of a chaotic double if dealt properly has lead to a happy relationship that I am enjoying right now.

The fear is still there, what happens if I wake up one morning to a mundane marital routine? But to armor myself, I am turning to books. Four books that would make me equipped to enter marriage are sleeping beside me at night. I devour them as much as I can. These books are the ones that I hunger to read and thanks to a dear friend, the blogger behind Nice Thoughts and Thrills, she has made my access to these books possible. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray, "Making Marriage Work" by Harold J. Sala, "A wife after God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George, "The Act of Marriage, The Beauty of Sexual Love" by Tim&Beverly LaHaye are ones of the rare books that are written to help couples achieve a satisfying and healthy marriage based on Christian principles.

The secret in making a relationship or marriage work, aside from prayer, is orienting ones self with the complexity of love and marriage, the difference of sexes and learning how to work as a team in using these differences as an advantage for a loving and satisfying union.

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I’m thankful that my journey in searching for “The one” has ended

There was a time when I thought that I am professionally accomplished but romantically a failure. I was a straight A student since elementary, high school and up to college and was always an achiever. However, I found that being an achiever has got its cons when it comes to relationships; at least, that’s what I thought. Some men were obviously into me but they never came up to speak up. Those who did, however, did not measure up to my standards. Time has passed that I was always lonely wondering when I would find Mr. Right.

I grew up into an adult and learned how to deal with men better so that I started to be in a relationship. However, one relationship after another always ended up in broken heart. But I noticed that each relationship was not independent of each other. In fact, it was a chain. A broken relationship would give way for the next, and so on. But I was anxious to meet Mr. Right and I wanted to meet him at the right time. I wanted to get married at 28 and I wanted to meet him at age 27. Four years before my target age for marriage I thought that perhaps I should make a marathon prayer. I decided to pray for what I wanted for an entire year. Nobody knew about it but my prayer every night was the same – That God would introduce to me Mr. Right at age 27 or a little earlier and that I should get married with the one that God has intended for me at age 28. So it was a complete 366 days that I was praying the same thing every night before I go to sleep. After that entire year of marathon prayer, I started to be in some meaningful relationships, of which three ended up in break ups and so much pain. A part of me was losing hope, but a bigger part of me believed that God would just send me the one when it is time.

At one time I was nursing a broken heart when I met a guy online. I thought that I could use him as a rebound. I was not very attracted at him at first but I did like the fact that he was sexy and a very appealing man. What was supposed to be a play around rebound driven by my desire for revenge had turned out into a very loving and satisfying relationship. Seven months of daily chatting and phone call, and two months after I turned 26, the man flew for 21 hours to meet me in person. Three months later, few months before I turned 27, the man flew back again to propose. And by this date, we are six months away from our big day. When my boyfriend proposed, it dawned on me that I was actually nearing 27 and the date that we agreed for the wedding would make me nearing age 28. Just perfect for my calendar! But above all, more than the age, the man that God has given me is everything that I had asked for. I am marrying the man that loves me completely and who’s determined to make me happy.

I am thankful for the faith that I had, believing that God would definitely give me the one at the right time. I am also thankful for having God beside me throughout my journey of search, strengthening me every time I get hurt when the pain nobody could fathom, and teaching me to let go and to forgive and for always giving me hope. Finally, I thank God for giving me what I deserve and for making me genuinely happy.

Where to go for online dating tips? Best recommended dating sites

When I go to church to worship, I am always teased by friends that I “go to church to search”. Actually, there is truth on it. I do search in church. However, all the great guys in the church are taken.

At work, very few single men are around and in most cases, they are either in a relationship or they are engaged. If there happens to be anybody that is available, he is not my type.

Then I was told to spend more time socializing so that somehow, I will meet Mr. Right. But the sad thing is Mr. Right is not socializing. He is busy at work, spends his free time at the gym, and goes home and spends the remaining free time with his computer before he goes to bed. So what am I supposed to do? It is when online dating comes in.

With the world battling recession, Mr. Right and Ms. Right understands that competition at work is stiff, thus, socializing becomes less a priority. That is why more and more great guys and gals turn to online dating as a means to search for a partner and to ultimately find his or her soul mate because it is convenient. It is available whenever it is free time.

However, there are things that should be kept in mind when you do online dating. Since too many people now turned to online dating, there is an unwritten competition. It is important to stand out from the crowd. It is necessary to choose carefully the photos to use which would captivate Mr. Right or Ms. Right and at the same time would show the real you. It is a must that you make a great presentation of you. It is prevalent that you know and apply the tactics in an effective online dating.

So how would you know the effective way to online dating? Does it have to be a trial and error experience and spend too much of energy and time in figuring out? No, you do not have to waste unnecessary heartaches. I, having my own relationship a product of online dating, recommend you a site which gives online dating tips to guide you through every facet of online dating. They have readily available articles about tips for effective online dating and they have listed FAQ that would give you a quick peek into the minds of other searchers such as you and that eventually, help to cater your needs. They also recommend tested quality online dating websites which have good reputations in helping people find their mate. Above all, you are always free to contact them for any queries or assistance that you would need.

In as much as it is crucial to find Mr. Right or Ms. Right, finding the right dating website and the right online dating guide is also imperative.

How to nurture a long distance relationship

I understand why many people refuse to be in a “romantic long distance relationship”. It takes a lot to nourish and nurture such a relationship and it requires much more effort from both parties to be able to strengthen it compared to a normal relationship.

I'm in a long distance relationship. I'm so much blessed with this relationship and it helps me feel excited to live every day of my life. However, there are so many hurdles that I and my boyfriend endure and I wouldn’t say it’s been easy. Yet, I can also attest that regardless the difficulties, if the couple is determined to brave them, there are ways to nourish the relationship despite the distance.

Communication is always important and it’s the strongest weapon for the couple who maintains a long distance relationship. Make sure to spend quality communication time every day. For us, we spend at least an hour and at most 3 hours talking over the phone for week days. For weekends, we spend more time over the phone simultaneous with a web cam. Note: we discovered later that Skype is very efficient for both web cam and voice chat. It saved us lots of bucks.

Trust. Any relationship requires trust otherwise without this element; the relationship wouldn't thrive to grow. However, trusting your mate is much more needed in a long distance relationship. You cannot see what your mate is doing and where he goes. The only thing you can hold is his words and your trust on those words. On your side, make sure that you, too, is worthy of trust. Don't do anything that can potentially ruin his trust when he finds out.

Find a recreation that you both can enjoy. Talking over the phone for hours every day can exhaust topics that are left to discuss and thus would lead to boredom. It's important that the couple find other means to spend time creatively with fun. When my boyfriend found out that I felt bored with always chatting over the phone, he started to look for websites where we could play online games together and laugh together. It's really fun.

Send crafty personalized gifts. My boyfriend pampers me with a lot of gifts but the best gift he sent me was his sketch of the portrait of my godchild, a very beautiful girl. As a return, I also made two charcoal sketches for him; one is a portrait of him and the other of me. When he received them, he was completely stunned at how good I made them. He immediately framed and displayed them in his room. Sometimes he sends me a t-shirt with his perfume on it, the one which is my favorite. As a return, I also send him a favorite dress or a sweater. [But since it's a favorite dress, he gives it back to me when me reunite.]

Send letters through postal mails. Even if technology makes writing too quick and easy nowadays; e.g. emailing or instant messaging, sending hand written letters or cards to your mate is much more romantic. It feels good to read something written by your love by hand.

Find time to see each other. Even if it can be expensive and stressful, it's important that the couple finds time to meet and be together especially if time and resources allow. It can be during summer vacation or Christmas vacation. Reuniting for a week or two and making the most out of this short time can refuel the relationship. The memories and experiences can inspire the couple to look forward to more exciting reunion in the future.

These are the top elements that proved necessary for my own long distance relationship. Feel free to share what you think. I'd love to hear them.

Should you date a colleague?

When you sign a contract with a company, the rules listed in the contract might consist of you not allowed to date a colleague. It is not a rule to every institution, however; there are a number that has a clear policy against dating within colleagues. Thus the question, should you date a colleague? Or why shouldn’t you?

I know, you might be thinking “well, it is not allowed as stated in the contract”. But what if the institution you joined is not prohibiting it, would you still consider it?

Here are some good things in dating a colleague.

1. You get inspired to go to work.

Going to work is no longer boring with too many stuff to do. It ceases to be a routine. You start to feel good and to always look forward to go to work. The eight hours just fly too fast and you would not mind working overtime.

2. You start to be particular on how you look.

Okay, we always make sure that we go to work well dressed, but if you date a colleague, you go beyond the simple following the dress code to putting more effort on being attractive. Hectic schedules and business does not stop you to always get a second to check in the mirror if you still have your hair in place, your tie fixed or your lipstick gone.

3. You get the drive to achieve more.

You’ll work harder to achieve more to impress the person you’re dating. You just want to show that you’ll make a perfect mate.

4. You feel that you always have an ally.

Yes, it feels good thinking that whatever happens, you’ll always have someone you can rely on within your institution or perhaps someone who can defend and protect you against any political issues that would arise [if any].

5. You are certain to find a lot of common things from each other.

It isn’t hard to find commonalities or you wouldn’t be working in the same field. And isn’t that the reason why an affair usually happens at work? Where people meet intellectually with the same interests?

However, if the dating or an affair does not turn out well, there are some good reasons you’ll find why you shouldn’t have dated a colleague in the first place.

1. Even if he’s/she’s the last person you want to see, you’ll have to stand seeing him/her everyday.

This is the sad part because in letting go, not seeing the person who broke your heart helps out the process. But if the person is a colleague, then you would have to endure that. You would have to maintain professionalism despite the broken heart.

2. If you’re the one who got dumped, the other party has a big tendency to prove to you that he/she made the right decision. That’s the biggest slap in the face. And the worst part is that he/she has all the opportunities to do it in your face.

Do I have to say more for this? Oh, it’s totally awful. But I tell what? Even if you’re initial reaction is hate the person, in the end, you will have to thank him/her for doing so. Not only has he proved that he does not deserve to have you but that had he not left you, you would not get an opportunity to find someone’s better. So go, say “thank you!”

3. Friends are put in an awkward position.

Friends wouldn’t know how to act around the two of you. They might be forced to divide or be left tagged in the middle. It simply is a break down of a good circle.

Why you shouldn’t date someone with a girlfriend?

In a strict ethics wise, there is no need to discuss why you should not date someone with a girlfriend [or boyfriend; it works both ways]. Definitely, it is not acceptable. However, even to those very people who seem to be on top of everything, situations may come that would test their ability to choose what is right and what is wrong. Such situations could be a way to understand how it feels to be on the other side of the line.

There are reasons why you should not date someone with a girlfriend.

1. You would have to stay in the shadow.

No matter what the situation may be; whether the guy’s relationship with his partner is extremely weak and is close to breaking, or even if he is already breaking up with his partner but the partner is not accepting, still, he could not expose you to everyone. He is still in the circle where people hope and pray that they would patch up.

2. He says something but he means something else.

Even if the guy says that he wants to break free from the relationship and just want to be with you, but that the girl is using emotional black mail such as jumping over the building to commit suicide to trap him in the relationship, what he really wants to say is that he cannot break free. For whatever reasons, the fact that the girlfriend still has a hold on him means that he is not sure if he really wants to be with you.

3. He meets up with you only during spare time.

If he dates or meets up with you only if his schedule allows him to, that means, that his so called “trapped relationship” is still his priority.

4. You would have to live with the comparison.

He tells you that he is falling in love with you because you have the qualities that he longs to find in a partner that his current partner does not possess. It could be the intellectual satisfaction or commonness and similarity of interests that drew him to you, however, there are also qualities that his partner possesses that you don’t. At the end, the comparison goes vice-versa.

5. You would have to live with the guilt.

Even if you win him at the end, the guilt will always come back to you. You will always be haunted by the thought that you built your happiness on someone else’s misery.

6. There would always be mistrust.

Even if the guy ultimately chooses you over his partner, you will have difficulty trusting him. There will always be issues of mistrust in your relationship. You will always be threatened by the thoughts of ‘what if he does it back to you’?

7. There would always be people who would label you as the “stealer”.

This scenario is inevitable and should be expected. It would require toughness on you to face the world and not get affected. You would have to think of the people who stood their ground, survived and are happy such as Angelina Jolie.