The secret in making a relationship or marriage work

I am a strong believer of the notion that for a relationship to work, it takes great effort from both parties. The love and fire might be there, but if not nurtured, doesn't take a while to wither. Love and relationship are like a rose. You plant it, water it, cultivate it, and talk to it. It grows, it flowers, it spreads its beauty right before your eyes. But stop watering it, stop talking to it every morning when you wake up or after you arrive from work, its stems would slowly grow thin, the flowers would start to grow shy, not spreading its petals to its fullest anymore. Not long, its roots would dry. Even if its stems and flowers seem to survive, the roots are dried. Then it dies.

But sometimes you wonder why your plant dies. You water it every time, you make sure you tend to it as much you can. But why it isn't growing as healthy as you want. It remains thin, it never flowers and eventually it dies. Then you decide that maybe growing rose just isn't your forte. Maybe, some people are just blessed with rosy hands they're the only ones that can grow beautiful roses. But I agree not. It isn't about the hands, instead, it's all about the skills and techniques. Growing up with a mom who grows lots of beautiful roses of varied types and colors I learned, that roses are very sensitive. It requires care in watering and tending them. For example, in watering a rose, you should avoid applying water directly to its base. When the pressure of water moves its roots, the rose reacts to it extremely against especially if it's still young. The amount of water applied should also be considered. Is it newly planted? Is it too young still thriving to grow? and the like.

Tending a relationship or marriage is similar to tending a rose, only more complicated. As a soon to be wife, I am aware of this fact. But I am on a mission of making my relationship and soon to be marriage work. I read a lot of relationship tools and a lot of articles that unwrap the mystery of an opposite sex. I found that understanding how different a man and a woman and how their differences can actually create a stronger team instead of a chaotic double if dealt properly has lead to a happy relationship that I am enjoying right now.

The fear is still there, what happens if I wake up one morning to a mundane marital routine? But to armor myself, I am turning to books. Four books that would make me equipped to enter marriage are sleeping beside me at night. I devour them as much as I can. These books are the ones that I hunger to read and thanks to a dear friend, the blogger behind Nice Thoughts and Thrills, she has made my access to these books possible. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray, "Making Marriage Work" by Harold J. Sala, "A wife after God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George, "The Act of Marriage, The Beauty of Sexual Love" by Tim&Beverly LaHaye are ones of the rare books that are written to help couples achieve a satisfying and healthy marriage based on Christian principles.

The secret in making a relationship or marriage work, aside from prayer, is orienting ones self with the complexity of love and marriage, the difference of sexes and learning how to work as a team in using these differences as an advantage for a loving and satisfying union.

photo: weheartit

How to improve your English: for English as a Second Language

When people hear me speak, they usually mistake me as one who studied English as a field of expertise. Not only do I speak English with fluency, I also speak with an accent that is natural and effortless [I stick to American accent]. My English skills enable me to communicate with people of any race and status with ease and confidence. However, far from being an English major, my field of expertise is actually Mathematics. It is my bread and butter.

So how did I develop my English skills?

For someone who grew up in Asia who speaks and understands three languages and three local dialects, learning English was never difficult. In fact, my journey to better English was so much fun.

The following reasons helped to enhance my English skills:

I was very obsessed with reading. I always hungered for reading. This was essentially during my high school and college years. There was no best thing to spend my spare time but to read. During the time, very few people owned a cell phone. When my friends wanted to see me, they looked for me in the city library where they would always find me in the same corner, in the same table, buried with books. [The library was smaller compared to the university or school libraries in the city but it was more peaceful compared to the rest].

I only read English. Well, there might be a little of exaggeration here but it is 99.9 percent true. The only time I could read non-English materials was when I had to learn for my Filipino subjects. Otherwise, I enjoyed reading English materials more. I read a lot of fiction novels from the genres of romance, adventure, action/thriller and mystery. I read a lot of history books too as well as literature. Along side the history and literature books were encyclopedias. Obviously, so I could have an immediate check on the background of authors, places or characters that I would come across. And oh, I always craved for women’s magazines, Time magazines and Reader’s Digests [actually, they’re the very first that I pick up when I enter the library].

I prefer to see English movies. I saw more of English movies simply because I could get to hear new words and I could mimic the way the characters say the word/s. I always pick up one or two liners and would keep repeating them even if I was having a shower.

I prefer to hear English songs. Not that I am bias, but I just have more collections of English songs compared to non-English songs.

I was friend to people who were studying English. I was a member of the Math society in the campus and a member of the debate club in our department but my friends were the best English students in the entire University. They rule the spelling, essay writing and public speaking competitions. They even graduated Cum Laudes. Every time we got together, they discussed, brain stormed and shared things that they knew. I was there absorbing.

I used to find ways to get to talk to westerners. This is a little bit funny but is true. When I was younger, whenever I could spot some westerners around, I would make some stunts just to get his/her attention so I could talk to them. I would then go home feeling fulfilled, lol. But years later, working with westerners just became a daily part of my life. I never looked at them as superiors unless otherwise they are my immediate superiors. They are simply my even that I enjoy company with.

I welcome corrections and constructive criticisms. When I was younger, and even now as an adult, I always welcome corrections and positive critiquing. Instead of feeling upset if corrected by someone who is more superior in English, I feel happy and thankful. I always stand corrected.

The book that made me rich

I was brought up by parents who taught me how to live an honest and productive life. They taught me the value of hard work, the necessity of integrity, and the importance of setting God as the center of my life. They taught me to be ambitious; to set high goals and work hard to reach them and not to give in to obstacles despite how heart breaking they could be. My parents taught me how to combine goodness and intelligence to succeed in life; and they did not prove wrong. As early as nineteen years old I earned my Bachelors degree with flying colors. Two months after graduation I got my first job with a competitive salary which made me totally independent for two years before I went abroad. All those were because of what my parents taught me. But there was one thing my parents failed to teach me, something very important, and that’s how to save my money.

I used to live in a check to check basis. I lived with my salary for a month and was always looking forward to the next end of the month. I shopped here and there and was carefree with my expenses because I was thinking, I worked hard for it and I was simply giving what was due to me; until one day, when I stumbled upon the book which completely changed my perspective towards money and taught me how to be rich, the Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money-That the Poor and the Middle Class Do Not! by Robert Kiyosaki.

Some of the topics discussed in the book include: 1) the value of financial intelligence, 2) the corporations spend first, then pay taxes, while individuals must pay taxes first, 3) that corporations are special entities that anyone can use, but the poor don’t know how.

Kiyosaki used both the terms “rich” and “poor” to refer to a mind set. He discusses the difference of perspective between the rich and the poor people. His book tells about his own father [a well-educated with a very competitive job but poor] and his friend’s multi-millionaire dad [a non-educated but wise in terms of money managing]. These two men provided Kiyosaki a comparison that enabled him to figure out how to break free from a rat race [refers to an imaginary cage that a simple employee with a poor mind set is trapped].

Kiyosaki mostly used the real estate business to provide examples on the points that he was making even providing some advices that I would say, are not all for everyone to understand without fully understanding how corporations, taxes and real estate business works, but he provided key points that are worth taking and applying to real life for simple people like me.

1.The difference of how the poor and the rich think.

For example, at the end of the month I will receive a 30,000baht salary from my full-time job. Having a poor mind set, I would go to the mall to check for the latest gadget that would fancy me thinking “I worked hard my *** for this money for a whole month so I must get a gift for myself.” However, someone with a rich mind set would think “I worked hard my *** for this money for a whole month so I should not spend this. I must invest and make profit out of this.” The poor spends his 30,000baht money but the rich will only spend the profit of his 30,000baht.

Another good example for this is the housing. A poor mind set would use all his income to buy a house even resolving to credits but a rich mind would content himself with a small and not fancy house and instead, use his money to put up a grocery store or any income generating investment.

2.The poor works for money but the rich makes money work for him.

The book has a little more analogy for this but I would simplify it based on how it applies to me. This concept must refer to how the poor is so afraid to lose his job because he lives in a check to check basis while a rich man is confident that he has some source of income other than his full-time job. In other words, the rich man is not in a rat race and has money working for him.

There are still many things discussed in the book but these two things are the most significant learning that made a powerful impact on me. It changed me from a financial carefree into a thrifty and investment adept person. I would say that I am working to break free from the rat race.