Saturday, September 12, 2009

How to nurture a long distance relationship

I understand why many people refuse to be in a “romantic long distance relationship”. It takes a lot to nourish and nurture such a relationship and it requires much more effort from both parties to be able to strengthen it compared to a normal relationship.

I'm in a long distance relationship. I'm so much blessed with this relationship and it helps me feel excited to live every day of my life. However, there are so many hurdles that I and my boyfriend endure and I wouldn’t say it’s been easy. Yet, I can also attest that regardless the difficulties, if the couple is determined to brave them, there are ways to nourish the relationship despite the distance.

Communication is always important and it’s the strongest weapon for the couple who maintains a long distance relationship. Make sure to spend quality communication time every day. For us, we spend at least an hour and at most 3 hours talking over the phone for week days. For weekends, we spend more time over the phone simultaneous with a web cam. Note: we discovered later that Skype is very efficient for both web cam and voice chat. It saved us lots of bucks.

Trust. Any relationship requires trust otherwise without this element; the relationship wouldn't thrive to grow. However, trusting your mate is much more needed in a long distance relationship. You cannot see what your mate is doing and where he goes. The only thing you can hold is his words and your trust on those words. On your side, make sure that you, too, is worthy of trust. Don't do anything that can potentially ruin his trust when he finds out.

Find a recreation that you both can enjoy. Talking over the phone for hours every day can exhaust topics that are left to discuss and thus would lead to boredom. It's important that the couple find other means to spend time creatively with fun. When my boyfriend found out that I felt bored with always chatting over the phone, he started to look for websites where we could play online games together and laugh together. It's really fun.

Send crafty personalized gifts. My boyfriend pampers me with a lot of gifts but the best gift he sent me was his sketch of the portrait of my godchild, a very beautiful girl. As a return, I also made two charcoal sketches for him; one is a portrait of him and the other of me. When he received them, he was completely stunned at how good I made them. He immediately framed and displayed them in his room. Sometimes he sends me a t-shirt with his perfume on it, the one which is my favorite. As a return, I also send him a favorite dress or a sweater. [But since it's a favorite dress, he gives it back to me when me reunite.]

Send letters through postal mails. Even if technology makes writing too quick and easy nowadays; e.g. emailing or instant messaging, sending hand written letters or cards to your mate is much more romantic. It feels good to read something written by your love by hand.

Find time to see each other. Even if it can be expensive and stressful, it's important that the couple finds time to meet and be together especially if time and resources allow. It can be during summer vacation or Christmas vacation. Reuniting for a week or two and making the most out of this short time can refuel the relationship. The memories and experiences can inspire the couple to look forward to more exciting reunion in the future.

These are the top elements that proved necessary for my own long distance relationship. Feel free to share what you think. I'd love to hear them.


  1. Wonderful post. I love the bit about sending letters - definitely a good idea! It's so awesome that you have a good, long-distance relationship!!

    Thanks so much for stopping by! haha, it is, indeed, homemade!

  2. communication, openness about every single thing that took place in your day, and your faith in God will bring you to forever. well, that's what the magic that did to us! ;-)

    new blog ni naku sis. i-add ko ni imong link didto. i-add pud ko ha? :)

  3. Well said Gleen.
    It takes want and desire to keep fueling ones relationship.

    The flame only goes out when you stop feeding it.

    It is very hard to maintain a long distance relationship. Although you can use it to your benefit and enjoy the anticipation of seeing one another again:)

  4. Great post! I used to be in a long distance relationship myself. My boyfriend (who is now my fiance) lived about 2 hours away from me in an area with very little public transportation (so driving to see each other was basically the only option). We talked on the phone every night, always sent e-mail, and chatted on AIM frequently. We also made the effort to visit each other as often as possible. Now we live together and are happily engaged! I wish you and your boyfriend the best of luck too! It may take a lot of effort, but it will definitely be worth it!

  5. thanks a lot for that very inspiring testimony Tara. I'm happy for you and God bless to your up-coming big day. Cheers!

  6. It's really difficult to nurture a long distance relationship. I believe trust is the defining factor.

    And each partner must really make an effort to keep the magic alive. I love that you still send each other letters.

    Quick question: are you from the Philippines too?


Thank you for your time. I'll get back to you soon. :)