Friday, May 8, 2009

What I want to tell mother, but cannot ...


To my only Mom,

I was five and I was at school on that wonderful day. I was attentively listening to the teacher, she was telling a story. Somebody called me and pointed the window. You were there standing, making signs, asking me to come out. You were showing me something, a beautiful umbrella in your hand. With pride, I walked out the room, slowly. In my mind I was shouting, "My mom bought me an umbrella!" On that very day, I knew I've got a great mom.

It was when I was old enough to know that you were on the verge of death when I was two, my sister was six months, and dad had no money, which I realized, love can endure death. When you were almost dead, saved your mind, but you held on, because you could not accept that a step mom will raise your girls. I then knew, you're a brave mom.

We were sitting in the kitchen one evening, I was very young, you were telling me the story of how you fought for my dad choosing him over your mom, thanks to the kerosene lamp I was seeing your face, and I smiled. You fought for the best dad I could ever have.

I could even picture you carrying a bundle in your arms late at night. It was me in your arms. You left dad because you could not stand his family. You can be so stubborn in your own way but dad loved you so much anyway. He turned his back from his family, for you and me.

It was that pain in your face whenever grandma scolded me; it was that suppressed anger in your heart whenever my elder cousin hurt me, and it was the way you protected me from bullies that made me looked up at you.

You're the best teacher I ever had. Because of you, I was able to realize the talents and skills that I had. You were the one who made me win the first competition that I signed up. When you wrote that winning declamation piece for me entitled "Felipa", you had no idea how much impact it made to my life. You taught me how to take a stage and conquer a congregation of whatever size. You made me feel big within. You had so much faith in me. It was the start and the very reason why I believe in myself so much.

You're the worst debater that I ever met. You don't listen, you always win. You always get your way. And because of that, you always hurt my dad. I saw it, and I made a vow. I would never do that to my future husband. I would never be as stubborn as you are. And I would always say "sorry" when I hurt someone.

Whenever we had a fight, I always tried my best not to answer back. God knows I always did. But ironically, I always had to answer back for you to stop. I'm really sorry about that, but I believed, I had the right to save my ears.

You have a secret. You did not know that I knew it. No one does but me. And nobody will. I will carry it down to my grave.

I take pride of how much you take care of your home. Your skill in handling a house is second to no one. I can bring friends at home at any time, I don't have to fear. Your house is always presentable and you're always the best hostess that I've ever known.

I always long for the time when we make laundry together. It means girls talk' and gossiping'. And I always feel good when we shop together. Our fashion style and taste are very identical. I'm a hundred and one percent certain that you're my mom.

I know that I'm not a perfect daughter. But I also know that you love me just as I am. Whatever I am now, it is because of the way you brought me up. You and dad, the best gift I ever had.

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